¿Why Is This Popular?

1. People that wear sneakers with skinny jeans. This goes double for people who wear Chucks with skinny jeans. It makes you look like a chicken with clown feet. If the Jonas brothers and Miley Cyrus look stupid in it airbrushed, you can be sure that you look like a complete moron too.
2. People with political bumper stickers on their car during an election, after an election, and years after an election. I just want to start by saying that a bumper sticker cannot possibly change someone’s opinion on voting. Neat, you voted for Obama. Since that happened, I’ve lived in two countries and a midget Pumpkin Queen has become one of the biggest celebrities. Move on with your life. I assume that McCain supporters that leave their stickers up do so out of a mixture of spite and don’t-blame-me sentiments. Again, move on with your life.
3. Train – Hey, Soul Sister. This is the most aggravating song of the 21st century. Vocalizing “hey,” “la,” or “oh” does not constitute lyricism and shouldn’t be rewarded as such. I know this is supposed to be a feel good song but I actually want to club baby seals when I hear it. All of you sheep can thank yourselves for letting a band as worthless as Train continue a career that has lasted about a century longer than it should have.
4. Girls who wear colored eyeshadow. I say girls because you cannot have passed the Woman of America that Matter (WAM) bar exam while even considering to commit such a heinous crime. There’s really no right answer to colored eyeshadow besides “no.” The notion of matching your Forever 21 outfit to your eyeshadow is so nauseating that it makes me rethink going out in public to avoid the risk of seeing whatever Urban Decay shade has taken over your face.
5. People who regularly communicate with their immediate family on Facebook. Do you guys seriously hate each other so much that you limit your communication to something as detached as Facebook? God forbid you have an actual relationship with the woman that birthed you. It’s 2010… there are these things called cell phones that help you speak to your loved ones. Better yet, we’ve just moved from the horse and buggy to automobiles so you can even see them more than once a year! Communicating in a place as public as Facebook is more for girls to make each other jealous, not to prove what a messed up relationship you have with your parents.

NV/R,

Maria

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