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There are many things that people with worthless degrees have these days, including a piece of paper, a false sense of entitlement, and a million excuses why they are unemployed. The most important of these is Peter Pan Syndrome.

Peter Pan Syndrome is marked by a complete unwillingness to grow up. Growing up includes things like understanding the value of money, using big boy words, and wiping your own ass (none of which, of course, are required coursework for an psychology degree). It is absolutely crucial that you sucker your parents into financing your critical existence and shopping sprees at Urban Outfitters. If possible, don’t get a job (worst case scenario only work part time). If you make any money, then by no means are you to pay your parents rent. That would be ludicrous. There are far more important things to spend your money on. Hell, buy yourself a new car. If that’s not fiscal responsibility then I don’t know what is.

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Be persistent, you can never have enough degrees. Student loans are mere figments of your imagination. Blame your lack of a career on something or someone that is for all intents and purposes intangible to you, like the President. That way, you can ensure that he will not render your moronic arguments null and void by actually responding to them. Do this in public in front of your parents so that they can sit there uncomfortably thinking about what a waste of money you have turned out to be.

Most importantly, treat people that have actually made something of themselves since college like sellouts. They must be miserable if they work in an office and make more than $15 an hour. Keep telling yourself that to reaffirm your existence as the grand douchewizard, because God knows that nothing else can.

NV/R,

Maria