Posts Tagged '16 & Pregnant'

Pedophiles For Siennas 2009

Published November 21, 2009 rants 2 Comments
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Over the past few months I’ve seen an alarming increase in those family bumper stickers with one little cartoony person for the mom, the dad, all five kids and the puppy. Sometimes they’ve got Mickey Mouse ears or their names underneath but it boils down to one obvious objection I feel anyone with a BS* could see: YOU ARE PROVOKING PEDOPHILES AND RAPISTS TO ATTACK YOUR CHILDREN.

Grade A parenting there – the back of your car has every kid’s name, their schools and every sports team they’ve ever eaten orange slices at halftime with. You might as well add a signed field trip permission forms to the Catholic Boat.

The Catholic Boaaat, time to get some hot Christian action!

Congratulations Mom of the Year. Your Sienna is nothing short of a free peek into  your children’s… itineraries and an invitation into their orifices.

NV/R,

Maria

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*At this point, I feel you should all fully recognize how utterly worthless anyone with a humanities major is. You should never ever allow your child to be exposed to one or your 8 year old will be complaining about nihilism with about the same philosophical understanding that a senior philosophy major possesses (i.e. none).

16 & Pregnant: Season 2 Announced!

Published July 16, 2009 MTV 23 Comments
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MTV, you knew we hated The Hills, so you booted off LC and replaced her (ouch!). You knew we loved trainwrecks, so you showed us reruns of Parental Control every single day when we were supposed to be going to class. Then you saw the joy we derived from 16 & Pregnant (from not so useless mothers like Maci to utter morons Farrah and her mother Debra).

Proof that there is a God

This is when you agreed to give us moar… six pilot episodes were not enough. We want to see more struggling unwed teenage mothers. We want blood, sweat, tears, and awkward dinner conversation about not using a condom. Everything but the actual birth (whoever can honestly call it a miracle is kidding themselves… those kids come out looking like angry aliens with AIDS).

Thank you for renewing 16 and Pregnant! In return, we promise to write about every little floozy that cannot keep her legs shut AND her psychotic family/baby daddy… free of charge! For once, you didn’t suck.

NV/R,

Maria

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GYT

Published July 15, 2009 MTV , rants 4 Comments
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MTV always has some annoying preachy commercials running that try to be hip/rad/totally hot dude. (Remember Pink and the movement to get young’uns to vote?) Unfortunately, by virtue of being preachy, MTV fails at being much of anything except irritating.

The GYT commercials stole in quietly and over time, I became more curious as to what exactly was going on (sort of like getting an STD…?). There would be these black backgrounds with rapidly changing words in bright colors, and then at the end it said GYT in huge letters.

Ruining my merriment

Ruining my merriment

What could GYT mean?! I asked.

For a long time, I simply dreamed. Maybe it was an underground political campaign (underground? on MTV? perhaps not my brightest thought). Maybe it stood for Gorge Your Turkey (it’s never too early for an AMURICAN holiday like Thanksgiving). Maybe there was going to be a new edition of True Life (much like that blessing of our time, 16 & Pregnant).

Alas, it was not to be. Finally I either actually watched the commercial or looked it up, and discovered the ugly truth: MTV was blighting my TV-watching time with STD commercials.

Of course, Soulja Boy and Perez Hilton lend credibility to any cause:

Isn’t this what those stupid Trojan commercials with gonnorhea gifting were for? We get it; STDs are bad; don’t re-gift. Fine. But inundating us with messages about getting a swab shoved up you-know-where is interfering with my blithe enjoyment of trash TV and making me angry.

The real tragedy of STDs is that apparently they make you illiterate.

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NV/R,

Margo

16 & Pregnant: Farrah’s Evil Mother

Published July 14, 2009 MTV 46 Comments
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We’ve already seen our share of crazy morons on MTV reality shows, but none of us were prepared for the ultimate Antichrist aka Farrah’s mom Debra. Debra is easily the most useless, pathetic, and “awfulest” (thank you Whitney, evidentally being a pregnant teenager comes hand in hand with a Shakespearean vocabulary!) mother of all time. This clearly includes all of the new mothers we’ve met this season on 16 & Pregnant even considering the fact that Farrah refuses to breast feed (despite the obvious need to protect a newborn from disease) as it may make her tits sag.

Debra actually agreed with this

Debra actually agreed with this

Debs has a list of incredible skills: looking like a tranny, styling her hair like Farrah Fawcett (RIP), and hitting her teenager while screaming like a banshee. Flaws (though few and far between) include being too immature to hear a Q/A about childbirth between her daughter and the doctor, being unable to watch her granddaughter’s birth, being unable to call Farrah’s father (ex-husband?) after Farrah’s water broke, hating Ford Focuses, and refusing to help Farrah with Sophia (Farrah’s baby girl).

At this point you should be like hold up, time out… rewind to that last one. Yeah… her mom flat out said that she would not help AT ALL with Sophia. Reasoning? “I need my sleep.” WOW. Mom of the year award, right here. Step aside Kate Gosselin.

NV/R,

Maria

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[EDIT:]Domestic abuse between Farrah and Debra ensues involving baby Sophia! Now are you going to argue that they’re great mothers?? [/EDIT]

Coming Soon: 16 & Pregnant

Published May 22, 2009 MTV , television 8 Comments
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If you haven’t heard yet, MTV’s coming out with a new reality show called 16 & Pregnant. For the less astute readers, it’s about a pregnant 16yo. Basically MTV is taking Engaged and Underage to a whole new level… and we’re going to eat it up. Let’s face it, we all love trainwrecks. For me, seeing teenagers fail at life is like putting a kid in a candy store.

Are you as excited as I am? MTV/VH1 reality shows = nature’s candy.

NV/R,

Maria

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