Posts Tagged 'apple'

Suicide Over iPhone Prototype

Published July 22, 2009 apple , news 2 Comments
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China: Even better than Texas or Australia. With China, there’s just no competition. You know that when someone is killing Tibetans or committing suicide over something stupid, it’s gotta be China.

So it should be no surprise that yesterday Apple confirmed that Sun Danyong, who had recieved 16 iPhones that he was to ship from Foxconn to Apple, committed suicide after losing one of these prototypes. He reported the loss to Foxconn, who did their darndest to ruin his life.

Conspiracy theorists suggest that Apple actually offed him, but I find that a bit difficult to believe, since on balance, a Chinese company seems much more likely to have driven their employee to suicide all on its own. Chinese workers are infamous for not being able to handle pressure, due to a combination of being sheltered and unfamiliarity with the legal system. When things go wrong they have no idea what to do, and suicide isn’t uncommon.

A few facts have trickled out of the Photoshop factory that is the Chinese media. It’s known that three employees of Foxconn illegally searched Sun’s house and probably roughed him up. A garbled instant message conversation from close to the time of death has been found, but is suspected to be faked (who the hell would fake that?). And at 3 in the morning, Sun jumped from the window of his apartment.

Apple says, “We require all our suppliers to treat our workers with dignity and respect.”

NV/R,

Margo

iTunes Store, Worse Than Being Rick-Rolled

Published May 12, 2009 apple , music 8 Comments
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Occasionally I hate my life enough to click on “iTunes Store” to try and find the latest single stuck in my head. This tends to happen when I am completely destitute and cannot afford to pay someone to just shoot me. Instead, I figure I’ll listen to the 30 seconds iTunes grants me once or twice and decide whether it’s worth the legality, simplicity, and steep cost of 99¢. Then something like this pops up:

@itunestopsongs

What is happening to the world when the “Top Songs” are advertised as including Black Eyed Peas, Lady Gaga, 3OH!3, and Pitbull. There has clearly been a little too much drinking over at Apple because the people they hire to figure out what to force-feed into our iPods advertise pull this kind of crap. I can definitively say that few of the above artists have a shred of talent or appeal to anyone with half a brain, or more importantly, half an ear. Beyonce and maybe Daughtry aside, this list is either washed up, utterly ridiculous, or both.

Black Eyed Peas? Really? Isn’t Fergie dead yet? Seriously… we decided many years ago that Fergie was musically and physically unappealing. Then will.i.am is such a self-righteous hack that he rode the coat-tails of the Obama train to receive credibility from WASPs. And the other two aren’t even worth being able to recognize (or ever come out with a worthwhile solo album). I refuse to believe that this world sucks so much that “Boom Boom Pow” could possibly be #1.

Pitbull is just too ugly to want to search for. The same obviously goes for Lady GaGa and Flo Rida. A news flash to all the hipsters: 3OH!3 is OLD NEWS and we all hated them two years ago! Way to be on the cutting edge of the scene, suckas. This leads me to believe that the iTunes Store has not only lost its credibility, but become obsolete.

Suspicions confirmed, the top album is GREEN DAY?????

skeptical-cat-is-fraught-with-skepticism

NV/R,

Maria

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Watch Your Money Disappear Into (MacBook) Air

Published May 2, 2009 apple 8 Comments
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Dear Steve Jobs,

Why?

The Macbook Air is quite possibly the most worthless POS that has come out of Apple, Inc. in the past 10 years, second only to the iPod Shuffle. I’m not sure where Apple gets this idea that we want tiny Zoolander-sized products that will get lost in our skinny jeans, but they are sadly mistaken.

Let’s recap on what the Macbook Air actually is… a paperweight. An expensive paperweight. On my Blackberry I can do the following:

  1. E-mail
  2. Surf the internet
  3. Facebook
  4. Message people
  5. Twitter
  6. Take pictures
  7. Listen to music
  8. Play games
  9. Take voice notes
  10. Keep my schedule/calendar
  11. Type notes
  12. Call someone?

On the Macbook Air you can do 1-11… tentatively. Why tentatively? Because besides the fact that it will inevitably break within a month, it DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A DISC DRIVE.

WHAT IS THE POINT OF A LAPTOP THAT DOES NOT HAVE A DISC DRIVE!? That means that all the hipsters need to BUY a disc drive to be able to listen to their trendy 3oh!3, Santigold, and M.I.A. CDs. Furthermore, how will they be able to watch their Jonas Brothers DVD without a disc drive? TRAGEDY IS IMMINENT.

Like most Apple products, this “computer” has a terrible battery. The difference between the Air and other MacCrap? You cannot even remove the battery to replace it! So to keep you up to speed, you are paying over $700 more than a standard Macbook for a paperweight with no firewall or optical drive or (this is the kicker, folks) ETHERNET. So when the battery dies, you’re out $700 and a doorstop.

Honestly for Joe Hipster who wants to have the trendiest thing imaginable, this is probably a great accessory. I say this because Joe Hipster is probably such a huge douchebag that his technological skills do not surpass word processing and updating his twitter, even though he insists on whipping out his -insert Mac product here – every three seconds. For anyone else, I would recommend a Blackberry or (shudder) an iPhone/Touch for  anyone obsessed with being plugged in 24/7.

NV/R,

Maria

TILF: Pandora Radio, Gift from the Heavens

Published April 17, 2009 music 2 Comments
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Pandora Radio is one of the best inventions ever. The people who made it call it the “music genome project”, and it’s way better than the human genome project! I mean, you can’t listen to human genomes.

Living in a lonely world...

Living in a lonely world...

What Pandora does is take a song, artist, or even genre that you like, and then it extrapolates other songs that you might like off of the information it has. You can tell Pandora if you like or dislike a song they’re playing, and that will also help add to the information and improve your radio experience.

The only bad thing about Pandora is that you’re only allowed to skip to a different song a few times per hour. This is endlessly frustrating for me as one of those people who always cuts off the song before the slow part of American Pie starts.

Or you can just listen to kitty.

Or you can just listen to kitty.

Overall though, Pandora’s pretty good (obviously, where do you think Genius on your Itunes 8 was stolen from?). It’s easy, it’s free, and you can at least press skip when the Hannah Montana theme song comes on, even if you’ll have to listen to the latest Heidi song.

- Margo

Andy Warhol Proves the Importance of 3rd grade Art Class

Published April 10, 2009 apple , art 20 Comments
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When I was in elementary school, I had the kind of art teacher that would mash up your clay pot and make you redo it “the right way.” At the time I resented the way she stifled my creative mind, but now I think I understand. As I reminisced about the good old days, I thought about our 10,000 lessons on prints. Now for those of you that are slower in the morning, a print is when you draw up some shitty image (like a piece of fruit) and keep printing it over and over again in different colors and on different paper and shit like that. It can look interesting and all, but in the end all you did was reproduce some image a bunch of times. Look, I don’t care that my douchebag art history ex-roommates were doing that shit at the “college level,” a retard could do it.

Now stick with me here… when I took my little frog stamp and printed it in four different colors on construction paper, I didn’t become a goddamn icon of an “art movement.” Somehow, Andy Warhol’s mind-bogglingly simple “art” (aka bullshit in different colors) has become a staple to to the typical asshole artsy college kid’s poster collection. Basically, having some picture of a coke can in four colors says something like “I am so f-ing original I can hardly fit it all into my facebook profile.”

marilyn

Everywhere you go, more douchebags have bought a ticket to the “Suck Andy Warhol’s Dick” train. I feel like I can’t go a day without seeing one of his played out prints on a bag or a t-shirt (especially is a city, aka breeding grounds for wanabe artsy posers who are going nowhere in life). THANK GOD Apple also hopped aboard the iDouchebag bandwagon and made it so anyone can look as original and artsy as Warhol intended them to be!

gay

I’m going to say this once for all you clowns out there to hear: THE USE OF PRIMARY COLORS DOES NOT MAKE YOU INTERESTING OR COOL. Every time I see the Andy Warhol poster on your wall, it just reaffirms the fact that I should hate you and that you will die alone. I hope you choke on your “culture.”

-Maria

[EDIT] you should all check out the first comment on this blog because it’s actually either one of my ex-roommates or another bitch in my sorority. Apparently, she even thinks I’m a gem! thanks Katie Dixon!

Well, I never get tired of shout outs either!!!!!! [/EDIT]

The Forbidden Fruit

Published March 31, 2009 apple 2 Comments
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Though it isn’t entirely specified in Genesis, God was obviously referring to Apple Products. Since the dawn of this phenomenon in 1976, Steve 1 and Steve 2 (and that third guy nobody really cares about anyway) have been ruining our lives.

It really started with the colored laptop. “Oh neat! I can look like a complete tool and pay extra!!” But then Apple one-upped themselves… with the iPod.

Before I continue, I must touch upon the iAdvertising… iPod, iPhone, iTouch…

iGotScrewedOutOfMyMoney is more like it.

My first iPod came free with my laptop in 2005 and only broke about 10 times that year. The reason for this product reliability is that the iPod is complete garbage and is only useful because of its seamless use with iTunes (yet another Apple evil forced on us these days). As if that wasn’t bad enough, we now have to deal with these ads telling us how superior Macs are over PCs from some skinny douchebag who probably hasn’t been laid in his lifetime by non-Mac cultists (aka other douchebags).

You probably think I’m being hypocritical at this point, since I have had 2 iPods and two laptops from Apple. I’m not. I can tell you that… Oh wait, I don’t have to defend myself. Why? Because I haven’t fallen prey to the newest evil: the iPhone.

The iPhone is basically the cellular motherland of a typical MPD (Mac Product Douchebag). It boasts things like internet, music, pictures, camera, games, gps… and even a phone! What really kills me when people go on about these aforementioned features is that I’ve had all of these on even the shittiest camera phone. In 2000 I was messaging people through AIM on my phone. But MPDs proudly flaunt their common technology, walking around with their iPhone out to command status, buying designer skins as a stamp of idiocy, and offering to Google every subject that enters the conversation.

How do we know that the iPhone is the best phone on the market? Apple tells us it is! They brainwash yuppies into thinking that without the iPhone you can’t possibly hold clout in the yuppie community. God forbid you’re not invited to the next black-tie luncheon. Thankfully we can use the rating system on apple.com to really understand what we’re buying…

Think twice before you sell out.

- Maria

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