There are many things I hate listening to in this world, specifically when I am in public. Three particularly heinous things come to mind: laughter, teenagers, and ringtones.

It’s unreal how mind-bogglingly stupid human beings are and it continues to perplex me that all of these morons can somehow afford smartphones. They either pick the most obnoxious standard ringtones (marimba, alarm, digital, and strum for iphones and that droid ringtone) or they pick one of those overplayed songs that makes you want to club baby seals and is guaranteed to get played at seedy bars in Texas and frat parties.

However, this pales in comparison on the I-will-destroy-you scale with the fact that apparently the simplicity of how a cellphone works is completely lost on every asshole with an iPhone. This is how a cellphone should be used:

In reality there are two things morons with iPhones do when their phone is ringing:

1. Stare at their phone like it’s a golden turd for at least three rings and miraculously remember that they have to press a button for the witch magic of a phone call to unfold.
2. Look at who is calling, make an obnoxious face so that everyone around them realizes that they are far to important/cool/interesting to be answering this call and just put their phone down. Without doing anything. So that the rest of us have to hear their ringtone for another thirty seconds while they smugly sit there with a shit-eating grin.

NV/R,

Maria

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Now stick with me here… when I took my little frog stamp and printed it in four different colors on construction paper, I didn’t become a goddamn icon of an “art movement.” Somehow, Andy Warhol’s mind-bogglingly simple “art” (aka bullshit in different colors) has become a staple to to the typical asshole artsy college kid’s poster collection. Basically, having some picture of a coke can in four colors says something like “I am so f-ing original I can hardly fit it all into my facebook profile.”

Everywhere you go, more douchebags have bought a ticket to the “Suck Andy Warhol’s Dick” train. I feel like I can’t go a day without seeing one of his played out prints on a bag or a t-shirt (especially is a city, aka breeding grounds for wanabe artsy posers who are going nowhere in life). THANK GOD Apple also hopped aboard the iDouchebag bandwagon and made it so anyone can look as original and artsy as Warhol intended them to be!

I’m going to say this once for all you clowns out there to hear: THE USE OF PRIMARY COLORS DOES NOT MAKE YOU INTERESTING OR COOL. Every time I see the Andy Warhol poster on your wall, it just reaffirms the fact that I should hate you and that you will die alone. I hope you choke on your “culture.”

NV/R,

Maria

[EDIT] You should all check out the first comment on this blog because it’s actually either one of my ex-roommates or another bitch in my sorority. Apparently, she even thinks I’m a gem! thanks Katie Dixon!

Well, I never get tired of shout outs either!!!!!! [/EDIT]

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