Posts Tagged 'books'

Anne Rice Takes Another Dip in the Crazy Pool

Published May 1, 2009 books , fanfiction 2 Comments
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Ahh, the bucketful of crazy that is Anne Rice.

Anne Rice is a well-known crusader against fanfiction. An ongoing one because she proclaims time and time again that fanfiction is (much like vampire novels) an abomination unto the Lord, and time and time again people ignore her and write it anyway. Her exact words on the subject are:

I do not allow fan fiction. The characters are copyrighted. It upsets me terribly to even think about fan fiction with my characters. I advise my readers to write your own original stories with your own characters. It is absolutely essential that you respect my wishes.

borlyIt’s absolutely essential? I’d love to know what that means in her head. Are fanfiction writers simply interrogating their own text from the wrong perspective? Aside from the fact that she’s not really capable of outlawing fanfiction (better authors have tried and failed), I don’t think most people care a whole lot that it upsets her.  After all, lots of things upset Anne Rice.

Like roleplaying, apparently. A website where people roleplay vampires (or something like that) has gotten a C&D from Anne Rice’s lawyers. These people have invested five years into pretending to be vampires from trashy wish-fulfillment novels. What’s amazing is that even though the site makes no profit, Anne Rice cares enough to harass people who will PAY to pretend to be her vampires. Yeah…

Some people talk about the letters they’re going to send Anne Rice over here. My favorite person by far is the poor sap who says:

She is such an awesome person, I’m sure she really doesn’t mean anything by what is going on here. :)

Keep dreaming.

NV/R,

Margo

Russet Noon – Continued Continued!

Published April 25, 2009 books 3 Comments
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Today, I was looking at the internetz and I realized that LadySybilla had done so much more stupid stuff that I needed to write another entry about it. FML.

Just kidding! You know I love her and her crazy belief  that she should be worshipped because she’s not trying to make money off of her fanfiction anymore, guysssss!

Anyway, to update you: LadySybilla (although she claims to have a college education – suggesting she has a job – and a teenage kid) somehow found the time to not only edit the crap out of her FanHistory page under a psuedonym that wasn’t at all obvious, but the time to release another press release that nobody read except for the lulz (unfortunately the original already appears to be deleted), and the time to make a Twitter.

FanHistory pages are what people make when they’re so into something, and so into what others say/write/draw about the subject, that they feel the need to document it. The only time anybody reads them are when they want recommendations for Harry Potter porn, or to take part in a lulzfest like this one. Anyhoo, the Russet Noon fanpage as edited by normal people says pretty much what my articles do: crazy lady, huge fanfiction, do not pass go; do not collect 200 dollars.

The Russet Noon fanpage as edited by LadySybilla  (I’m sorry, ArtisticRevolution – and by Revolution she means THERE IS A UNIVERSAL MIND ALL YOUR CHARACTERS ARE BELONG TO ME) says that LadySybilla is a great kid but the teachers hated her and the other kids were meanies! She’d do so much better in school if that mean bully would stop taking her toys and stealing her lunch money!

Quite frankly, I don’t have the time and inclination to wade through all this crap, but if you want to see LadySybilla BAWWWWing, feel free to look at the usertalk page on FanHistory where LadySybilla tries to get the mods to do what she wants by being “nice” and “appealing to their professionalism” (because nothing’s more professional than trying to sell your fanfiction).

There is also currently a parody in the making. Which LadySybilla says time after time omg it’s so awesome I’m famous!!!! And not butthurt at all!!!!

That’s why her current press release compares her to Osama Bin Laden to try to make her seem better. Nice try! It contains such mis-spelled gems as:

A glorious mob aching to bully a lone ranger, indie self-publisher, into exhile.

Methinks the lady doth protest too much (and also open her yapper too much).

NV/R,

Margo

This is a Boring Post.

Published April 21, 2009 celebrities , news 6 Comments
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Just when you thought the British royalty couldn’t get any less interesting – Prince Charles signs a two-book deal on… wait for it… GARDENING.

Before you rush out of your house to reserve it at B&N (don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be able to pick up a copy at the half-off table soon), let’s think about how the state of affairs in Buckingham Palace came to this.

This guy is so useless that his mother refuses to die and give him the throne.

bqueen

Mostly what Prince Charles is famous for is for wanting Camilla over Princess Diana (seriously, what?). He publicly admitted that he had committed adultery (way to lead the nation’s morals). To sum up: Charles didn’t have the stones to marry the woman he wanted to marry in the first place, so he married someone else and then proceeded to bollocks it up amazingly and marry the unsuitable woman anyway. Good show!

His official duties mainly consist of staying out of the way while mummy runs things. Prince Charles can’t even attend a funeral without wreaking havoc. His main interests are the “natural environment” (just what we need, yet another Al Gore who enjoys plane rides) and offending people over humanitarian issues. He doesn’t actually do anything except insult Zimbabwean officials and garden.

Basically, when the only one who gives you honors is your mother, you’re doing it wrong (and by it I mean LIFE).

- Margo

Vanity Publishing for Fun and Profit!

Published April 9, 2009 books 3 Comments
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There are a ton of stupid things to waste your money on in this world: Mac products. Hannah Montana movies. A plane ticket to Canada.

But of them all, self-publishing earns the award of being by far the most self-indulgent because it’s so blithely self-adoring. Getting your book vanity-published says, “Nobody will accept my book for mainstream publishing, but it is still the greatest gift of God to humanity since MTV.”

Uhoh – Did I just make a roundabout claim that since your book is being self-published, it’s bad? Yep. Here’s why:

1. If your book wasn’t accepted by a normal publisher, it’s probably because your book is BAD. There are many, many reasons why your book might be bad. It might be riddled with so many grammatical and spelling errors that the editor’s eyes fell out upon viewing it and so she couldn’t read to work out that it’s actually written with a genius comparable to Isaac Newton’s. It might be because it has a plot like a Sham-Wow commercial, so long and annoying that nobody in the history of earth will view it on purpose. It might be because your characters are about as sympathetic as the Zodiac Killer. Or it might just be because you suck.

2. Publishing is a business that is often misunderstood. Lots of lies are spread about it, like, “Oh, publishers will definitely love your book!” If a bunch of editors don’t think your book will sell, there’s a reason behind it.

3. Even if your book sucks marginally less than all the other crappy books being self-published, it’s not going to reach an audience wider than you and your mom. This is because self-publishers make their money by making the “author” pay them for copies and then distribute them all on their lonesome. This usually works out about as well as you would expect.

4. And most importantly, one of those exceptions you hear about who self-publishes and then is discovered like some rising starlet working at a Hooters who leans over the right customer? You aren’t going to be one.

And only $35.99 from the publisher!

And only $35.99 from the publisher!

- Margo

I Believe in Jeeesus

Published April 6, 2009 books , movies 5 Comments
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Once upon a time, a woman came up with the idea for a vampire story. So then she wrote one, and the book wasn’t too bad. Then she wrote a few more. Then she went batshit insane.

Anne Rice is probably best known for the pretty okay book Interview with a Vampire. That’s because it was made into a movie, so people actually paid attention to the movie. (There was also a later movie disaster, Queen of the Damned, but… the cover features some sort of half-naked bondage thing going on. Do you really need me to go into that?)

The other thing she’s known for is being a big ol’ bucket of crazy. She truly believes that anyone who doesn’t like her books is interrogating them from the wrong perspective. Um… And what is the correct perspective?

Oh. Right. Her perspective.

The best thing about Anne Rice is how she experienced this sudden and overwhelming conversion back to Catholicism and decided she could NEVER write another vampire novel(tl;dr) because they were an abomination unto the lord. Then when she realized how much money she made off the Lestat novels, she decided to write another one.

bjeez

Now that’s sincerity for you.

- Margo

And Never the Twain Should Meet: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Published March 31, 2009 books 2 Comments
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There are many people out there who are trying to swindle some dollars out of whoever Jane Austen’s royalties go to now. These copycats are not at all pathetic.

Out of all of these moochers, the latest and arguably most pathetic is Seth Grahame-Smith, the author of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. This “Classic Regency Romance – Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem” stars Elizabeth Bennet as a weapon-wielding zombie-killer who has a “delightful comedy of manners” with Mr. Darcy.

Am I going to have to be the first to say it? One word: No.

This is a funny idea, in the sense that if J.D. in Scrubs said, “Hey guys, what if Pride and Prejudice had… ZOMBIES?” you would probably laugh. However, this is not an idea worth devoting 320 pages of your time to. It’s all very well if you didn’t like reading Jane Austen in high school, but this isn’t even particularly offensive to the original story; it’s just page upon page of you supposedly laughing at the contrast between Regency England and zombies.

Seriously, let’s all just face it: paying $12.95 for a paperback that will undoubtedly end up unread on your bookshelf is just not worth it. It’s like Stephen Colbert running for President: the idea was funny initially, but when you take it too far, the humor slowly seeps away, like zombie blood on the Meryton fields.

- Margo

If You Seek a Bad Show

Published March 31, 2009 books , television 3 Comments
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The Sword of Truth. The Seeker. The Magic Box. The Confessor (no this show does not feature a roaming, ass-kicking Catholic priest. Unfortunately. That might have made things more interesting). These are all the incredibly generic names for important items and people in the show. The writers couldn’t think of interesting names, and they couldn’t think of interesting plots.

Actually, as a fun fact, this is based on the equally craptastic Terry Goodkind novels entitled The Sword of Truth. The writers changed the name of the show because they wanted to be able to expand on the material (ie, change it to make it more interesting). I think I speak for most people when I say: WHY DIDN’T YOU?!

Basically, if you haven’t seen it, the show revolves around The Seeker, who carries The Sword of Truth, and wears a very open shirt. He has a thing going on with The Confessor, who wears a very long, flowy white dress and yet somehow manages to be an expert fighter and doesn’t trip on it. This thing with The Confessor is completely uninteresting because they both like each other and travel together. The end. No drama. There’s also a very old guy who plays the role of Gandalf and gives everyone extremely obvious advice. He’s generally boring but worth it for the one giant shining moment wherein it is revealed in one fell, miraculously still uninteresting swoop, that basically everyone on the show is related to each other and gramps-alf is being toted along because he is, in fact, The Seeker’s grandfather. And nobody questions any of this. Not even a, “Wait, you’re mommy dearest?”

The worst thing about this show is that unlike similar classics like Hercules and Xena, there is no subtle, self-effacing humor. No, this show takes itself entirely seriously. And nobody is going to be able to nod their head and suspend belief for 45 minutes of this crap without wanting to laugh at it.

The best thing about this show is that (not to give out spoilers, but honestly, who cares? If you watch this show, you shouldn’t) there is no real conflict. The characters actually assemble the power that the bad guy is after, and start to use it for themselves and then… give it up because it corrupts the hero too much. Um, how about you let him kill the bad guy and THEN take away his toys? Apparently this 21st-centry logic is far beyond The Seeker & co.

I assume that this show was meant to appeal to everyone, not just cape-clad D&D fans. FYI: it does not. Yet somehow this crap is popular, because it’s coming back for a second season. TV watchers everywhere, I must ask you – For the love of God, WHY?

- Margo

Russet Noon – Not Actually About Potatoes

Published March 31, 2009 books 3 Comments
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I think it is not a stretch to say that the biggest crisis facing the world today is Twilight. (Shortly followed by AIDS, world hunger, and the fact that MTV doesn’t play music anymore.) So what, you ask, could be worse than Twilight?

The answer, of course, is more twilight.

A sequel! Excellent, you say! Well, not so fast. It turns out that it is a sequel not being written by the original author. Neither is it endorsed by said author. This “sequel” is, in fact, a gigantic fanfiction written by a woman named LadySylliba.

Now, fanfiction is generally something of an evil in and of itself, seeing as how it’s usually badly-written wish fulfullment about the author’s favorite character, and this book is no exception. It picks up where the original books left off and apparently completely reverses everything, turning the werewolf Jacob who got jacked over in the original into the hero.

It gets even funnier when you realize, with very little sleuthing, that the publisher? Well, aside from the annoyingly loud beep that happens every time you click over a tab on their website, the main problem with the publisher is that it IS LadySylliba. And by little sleuthing, I mean going to her youtube channel.

While it’s amazing that LadySylliba seems to think she won’t have lawyers up her nose in approximately 3.4 seconds(the amount of time it takes Stephanie Meyer to stop sniffling about being upstaged and get angry about it), what’s even more amazing really is that someone took the time out of their life to write a gigantic fanfiction to Twilight and then be enraged enough with the actual ending of the series to try to publish their own ending.

I ask you – why is this popular?

- Margo

Dark Beginnings

Published March 31, 2009 Uncategorized 3 Comments
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Every day we wake up and take on the daily grind, popular culture and fads throw themselves at us, from the billboard outside your window to the “punk” who ninjas your seat on the metro. Having spent the last few months in Montreal, I have come to truly loathe all that is trendy. Let me warn you now… this is not for the weak at heart.

I’ve seen atrocious things. Children and adults alike reading Twilight on their daily commute. Women with hair so big they must know the secret of life. Teenagers so fat that not even all of Richard Simmons’ spandex could cover what theirs has simply failed to do. The ever-ridiculous pairing of shorts in the dead of winter – with heels she cannot walk in. Men wearing multiple scarves… as belts?

All of these things have made me question my own style… but we cannot hate the concept of style – we must distrust others as inspiration. Fads have always been questionable at best so put down that graphic t-shirt telling everyone you are on “Team Edward.”

We do not care and you look stupid.

NV/R,

Maria

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