Posts Tagged 'college'

Is Formspring Stupid?

Published April 4, 2010 rants , the internet 3 Comments
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

While I am probably breaking the rules by asking a question off of formspring (since everyone knows you can only ask questions through this inane website), I think some finger-pointing is in order. For those of you who aren’t facebook friends with a herd of sheep, formspring is basically a website for people to anonymously ask other people questions. At this point you’re probably thinking… I don’t get it. Let me explain by example.

ideal candidates for formspring accounts

Meet Nina. Nina has little self-esteem and has broken many bridges in her life. Drama isn’t terribly uncommon (as she is in a sorority and is in college) and she’s had her fair share of breakups. Nina isn’t ugly or gorgeous, skinny or fat. Nina is a typical college female – the center of her own world, a speck of dust in the grand scheme of things.

nina the nobody

Since Nina lacks any ounce of maturity or self-knowledge, she cares deeply about what other people think of her. It is important to note that she doesn’t seem to care what her actual friends think of her (who would obviously just ask any questions to her face and/or already know the answers since they are friends with her). No, Nina wants to know what Susie Sorority (who is pissed off that her ex has a crush on Nina) thinks. In fact, when Susie “anonymously” calls Nina a fat whore, Nina take this to heart and allows it to consume her life. And so, Nina kills herself.

sheep + formspring = this

This actually happens. What “experts” (i.e. idiots with a BS in psychology or something) are calling “cyber-bullying” has gotten way out of hand through websites like myspace, facebook, and formspring. Honestly, though, putting yourself out there on any of these websites is inviting other weak sheep to gain enough confidence to confront you in ways they wouldn’t be able to face to face. This is obviously a recipe for disaster. Get a life, not a formspring.

On an unrelated side note, here is Margo’s formspring account. BAHHH!!!!!!

NV/R,

Maria

dig us // facebook // myspace // twitter // the five one

Philosophy of a Useful Major

Published November 21, 2009 rants 3 Comments
Tags: , , , , , ,

Anyone who’s ever had to sit through the suicide-inducing hour that is a philosophy class knows that it’s not the philosophers that make it bullet-in-brain-worthy, it’s the students. There are 4 different types of philosophy students:

1. Me.

I make solid arguments about how whether we exist only in our minds or “truly” exist doesn’t matter, given that we’re stuck in this stupid class either way and regardless of our beliefs on the matter, will not be able to will ourselves to fly if we fall off a cliff (but I encourage any philosophy majors to try). Then I stare at the clock and make gun motions at my throat while type 2, 3, and 4 argue with me.

I think, therefore I eat.

2. The savvy stoner

He had an epiphany while he was coked out once, and he’s willing and eager to share. It’s funny how the trees look so… so not put together when you’re upside down (aka, all the coke has affected his spatial recognition). SS doesn’t really have a point to make, but he’s eager to light up and really understand the world.

3. The guy with the point

This person has a specific point in mind, but he’s not quite sure what it is. He says “well you see” and “the thing is” a lot, but he doesn’t really go anywhere. It’s like a flow chart that only leads to those two phrases. What the guy with the point is sure about, though, is that he’s one smart – WATCH YOUR MOUTH.

4. The person who doesn’t get it

The guy who doesn’t get it is the worst of the lot, because he’s the reason that you end up staying 10 minutes late every class as opposed to getting out 20 minutes early when you run out of material. He feels the need to pose “insightful” questions to the class, such as: “But… are we REALLY here?” and then looks around nodding with his eyebrows raised. He doesn’t know the difference between Nietzsche using reason and anybody else using reason (see: none), but he’s going to ask as many questions as it takes to ruin your life.

NV/R,

Margo

dig us // facebook // myspace // twitter

Online Diplomas: Just As Worthless As Originally Thought

Published August 18, 2009 news Leave a Comment
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Oreo the cat decided that she would get an education. So she went to the only place that could promise her an education: An online school! 

For the small fee of $200, Oreo was able to take an essay and a test, and finally get the diploma she had always dreamed of! And of course, if she messed up on the test, a hint would appear with the answer. Handy.

Her owner, Kevin Collins, is the president and CEO of the Better Business Bureau. He helped Oreo with some of the questions, but the truth is, a cat does not need a whole lot of help to pass these tests. Even in lolcat speak, there is no way to flunk the essay.

Jefferson High School, where Oreo finally achieved high school graduate status, is one of many diploma mills around the internet, whose prices can range from the low hundreds up to thousands of dollars for “college diplomas”. So when your new lawyer tells you that he’ll totally get you out of this murder charge because he got his degree off the intarwebs, think again.

dig us // facebook // myspace // twitter

NV/R,

Margo

Girl Can’t Find Job, Sues School

Published August 4, 2009 news 1 Comment
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Remember that fuss over the woman who spilled her coffee in her lap and sued McDonalds? This is sort of like that, except totally without merit.

Trina Thompson graduated from Monroe College with a BBA in Information Technology. Since four months later she put down the remote and realized she didn’t have a job, she’s suing the school for not helping her find a job. She wants her $70,000 tuition back because according to her, the school was supposed to give her advice and contacts.

collegejob

Who knew you had to find your own job?! Absolutely shocking. When I graduate, I fully expect someone to kiss my butt and hand over a job (I will be speaking to my institute shortly). It’s incredible what time have come to… next thing you know, some jobs will start requiring grad school.

Although Trina probably isn’t going to win her suit (please God please God PLEASE), the gracious owners of the How Old Are You Foundation have generously offered her a years supply of Get a Clue.

NV/R,

Margo

Why Being On Campus During the Summer Sucks

Published July 21, 2009 Uncategorized 3 Comments
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Like a masochist, I decided that a good life choice would be to spend the second half of my summer in the same place that I spend the rest of the year. Bad call. Unbeknownst to me, summertime at college involves even more horrors and ridiculous situations than the normal terms.

1. The Orientation Students

Welcome to college, girls!

Welcome to college, girls!

On any given day I am destined to be descended upon by at least 30 orientation students and their packmule fathers. Then I am expected to give longitude and latitude directions to the Fountain of Youth. I am late for class, stop harassing me! Unfortunately, I feel somewhat obligated to stop and put some thought into their quest so as not to give my poor school a bad reputation. Thus, I am 20 minutes late for every class.

2. Renovations

I did not realize that over the summer they actually re-build every single structure on campus. Not only is the main road blocked off (thus making every car trip/bus ride half an hour longer), but all my shortcuts to class are blocked by police tape too. This wouldn’t be so bad, but there are self-appointed security guards religiously hovering around the scene just in case some poor student made late by orientation students seeking a city of gold should need to duck under the tape and gain that extra 3 seconds.

3. Buses Running on Satan’s Schedule

If only.

If only.

During the school year, the buses come by every 5 minutes. During the summer, they come by whenever the hell they feel like it. If I get the bus at 2:40 on a Monday, you can guarantee that it won’t come until 3:30 on the Tuesday. This doesn’t sound like that big of a pain in the ass until you’re actually sitting there wasting a half hour of your life in the sun waiting for this goddamn bus to take an additional fifteen minutes transporting you when you could have just walked in half an hour.

4. The Classes

These are the teaching skills of your average summer class instructor.

These are the teaching skills of your average summer class instructor.

To be quite frank, the summer classes get the dregs. This means you get either the teacher related to Vlad the Impaler, or the teacher who asks, “Is this right?” every 30 seconds. Ma’am, even though I actually do know if it’s right, I am not wasting 30 seconds that I could spend Facebook stalking doing your job for you. Plus, every time you do stop paying attention in class and check your Facebook, you realize that everyone else you know is doing things that do not include homework. Life is hard.

dig us // facebook // myspace // twitter

NV/R,

Margo

Anatomy of a Two Lane Highway

Published July 20, 2009 rants 7 Comments
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

After driving thousands and thousands of miles (ah, the joys of a college education) from home to different schools on shitty two lane highways, I’ve developed a general understanding on douchebags, traffic, and the correlation between them. I’ll take this opportunity to break it all down for you in an attempt to urge you all to go to school at your local community college and save yourself the headache of good ol’ mom and dad hauling your essentials (i.e. mini fridge and 10,000 sweatshirts) twice a year.

“Traffic Signs”

These are never followed. Trust and believe than any jackass driving below the speed limit in the left lane scoffs at “Slower Traffic Keep Right” signs. These are barely even guidelines (i.e. “speed limit”). Welcome to the flow of traffic, enjoy your stay.

free-cat-demotivational-poster1

“Commercial Trucks”

Trucks apparently have two speeds, neither of which hit the speed limit. A speed demon in the truck world will cruise at 64mph in a 65 zone. The average truck driver would have to be in labor to cross into double digits. As such, the Evel Kenievels cross into the left lane to pass. Etiquette dictates that thou shalt not cut off 20 speeding cars to pass a vehicle over the span of an eon at 64 mph… but to hell with etiquette. This causes left lane traffic to oscillate from a healthy 75+mph down to 60mph aka NO CRUISE CONTROL. Fail.

2969391733_7ac0e3e886

“SUVs and other monstrosities that do not use diesel”

A normal driver brakes in tandem with the vehicle in front for two reasons: to not drive into it and to warn the vehicle behind that speed is decreasing. SUVs must have some magical button to stop on a dime because the average SUV driver slams on the brakes at the last possible second causing ten near-accidents behind him. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, USE YOUR BRAKES. And for that matter, stop pretending to be socially/environmentally aware with your bumper stickers… you are about as far from being a tree-hugger as me. You bought a gas-guzzling vehicle so your trendy surge protectors/light bulbs cannot even begin to counteract the effect of your daily commute to work.

IRONY (and no "life is good" tire cover...)

IRONY (and no "life is good" tire cover...)

“Motorcycle Gangs”

Evidently driving in the middle of the lane is absolutely NOT an option for someone on a hog because I almost clipped 10 of them this past weekend. Aside from somehow taking up both lanes with a motorcycle less than two feet wide, these bad boys love to drive under the speed limit long enough for people to pass and then speed along the right weaving in and out of traffic. Good plan… until Mr. Escalade spills his latte, looks down in horror at his Brooks Brothers trousers, and RAMS YOUR ASS OVER. I will rubberneck (while maintaining speed, impossible for 95% of American drivers) and enjoy the rest of my day.

There is a God.

NV/R,

Maria

dig us // facebook // myspace // twitter

MTV’s College Life – Spring Break

Published June 4, 2009 Uncategorized 1 Comment
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

In the latest two episodes of College Life, “February” and “Spring Break”, we see true love and hearbreak. Success and failure.  Temptation and redemption. All in under an hour… gotta love it.

February starts with problems between the new “it” couple, Josh and Lindsay. Josh starts his best leech impersonation, and Lindsay has to study. This annoys Josh when she doesn’t instantly returns his texts. As everyone knows, desperation is the best attractant, so Lindsay… dumps him. Surprise! Of course, not before she and Andrea have an extremely awkward conversation on Facebook.

Andrea’s having problems of her own. She’s stopped going to church in favor of doing lingerie fashion shows, so her uber-Christian rooommates now hate her. Fair enough, we hate her too.

Jordan’s got relationship issues too. He hooks up with a girl named Coco… really… while drunk, and then dumps her because she listens to Nickelback. I’d have dumped her too, but not because she listens to bad music; because her name is freaking Coco!

Kevin’s part consists of him dealing with a bat. Fascinating.

bbat

In the Spring Break episode, everyone heads to Panama City because the MTV camera crew didn’t want to split up to go separate places with these kids.

Andrea decides her roommates are right (aka, she is a pansy) and that she needs to focus on her bff Jesus. So she walks around the beach and pesters people about whether God is in their lives. Josh, when he’s not stalking her or Lindsay… Wait, that’s all he does.

Kevin, on the other hand, gets to Panama City despite being ditched by his ride, and makes nice with a group of ugly rich girls so that he has a place to stay. He provides the “entertainment”… Is this tv-appropriate?!

Poor Jordan is the only one stuck at home in Illinois, watching Discovery Channel. Wonder if he noticed the surplus of animal attack stories?

NV/R,

Margo

dig us // facebook // myspace // twitter

College Life – Update 2

Published May 4, 2009 television 4 Comments
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

As the episode begins, things are looking down all around for the cast students. Andrea’s bitching to her ex-boyfriend Josh about her life, but is upset that he has the audacity to comment. Jordan might not get his sleeve tattoo finished because his family hates him now. Kevin is trying to guilt his roommate into taking the fall for partying in the room, because he’s been dumb enough to get caught twice already. And Lindsay’s happy about a fairly unattractive guy named Max, which can never be a good thing.

Andrea and her roommate Erica continue to passive-aggressively bitch at each other throughout the episode (nasty words exchanged off camera of course), true to form of girlfights everywhere.  Instead of talking about it rationally so they can live together without sniping at each other, they insist on bitching at each other 24/7 to the vast entertainment of anyone who walks through the room. Maria and I are still confused as to why Erica cares so much about Andrea’s relationships drama… probably because she is too ugly and abrasive to have any of her own. While Andrea’s extremely full of herself, Erica seems to be fashioning herself into the college version of Lauren Conrad, butting into everyone’s love lives. Who knows, maybe Erica will have a new show by next season… called The Dorm.

Lindsay starts to be worried that Max isn’t all that into her, so she harasses his roommate about whether Max really likes her or he really really likes her. Instead of continuing on her good girl theme, Lindsay decides that the best way to get Max to declare them facebook official is to… get in the shower with him? Good plan, Captain Insecure! Word to the wise: Calling a guy over and over again when he hangs up on you is not Romeo-recommended to win hearts. Someone should give them Speidi’s relationship counselor’s number…

Jordan is pretty much ignored in this episode because MTV has realized that much like Baya on Real World: Brooklyn, Jordan is terminally boring. Unfortunately being mixed race and… Wait! It’s election day! Never mind, time to capitalize on Jordan being black.

bob

Kevin predictably, like 80% of all minus-90 IQ frat guys, is all for McCain because… uh… well, anyway, he thinks McCain would do a better job. Jordan’s reasoning is way better in that he’s supporting Obama because the future President is half-black, just like him!

Kevin finds out fo sho that he’s kicked out of the res halls, which he says is a “reality check”. What he actually means by this is that he’s now gonna need a check from his mommy to pay for the apartment he’s going to rent with 3 other fraggots who think playing beer pong is the most epic thing since keg stands.

NV/R,

Margo

dig us // facebook // myspace // twitter

An Introduction To “College Life” – “Real” TV

Published April 23, 2009 MTV , television 7 Comments
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

MTV has released a new reality show, cementing the fact that MTV only exists to keep this blog alive. The show, imaginatively entitled College Life, is about life in college. Because, like this show, life in college is boring, overrated, and is a waste of time. The four main characters introduced in the premier this past Tuesday are mind-numbingly boring and prattle on about things that less than 5% of the world could possibly care about… similar to 95% of college students (and a staggering 99.9% of college students in fraternities and sororities).

Without any further ado, I’d like to introduce you to the four obnoxious brats college freshman that give us a little staged drama from sneak peek into their lives.

1. Alex (Texas “academic scholarship” slut)

alex

Alex is so shallow and boy-crazy it’s difficult to write about her without wanting to slit my wrists. Alex meets this boy (who bravely chooses not to go on camera despite the fact that MTV pays these little turds huge money to entertain other turds) but gets UBER PISSED OFF when he deigns to call her his girlfriend, even though she flat out says that he is “the whole package, her perfect guy.” The reason, you ask? She screams to her friend “the ratio of like girls to guys at this party is 1 to 15! i like want to meet people!” SLUT! Oh wait… “i don’t want to be in a relationship because i have trust issues.” LYING SLUT!

2. Jordan (token half-white half-black guy)

jordan

Jordan is, if possible, even more boring than Alex. The most interesting thing that he just LOVES to capitalize on is that WTF HE IS HALF BLACK HALF WHITE. Somehow this gets mentioned every single time he is on the screen, like it’s some kind of new phenomenon for people to be more than one race. Interracial couples…?? Biracial children…?? How silly!

3. Andrea (“still has [her] v-card” *flashes imaginary card*)

andrea

Her story focuses on how she’s a virgin (and I swear on Kanye’s mom’s grave that she flashed her imaginary v-card to the camera after you admitted to being a virgin) and how her high school boyfriend  Josh (above guy who is a sophomore at the college) is still obsessed with her. She is one of those Gwen Stefani types where she either looks really hot or really heinous, which makes her curiously interesting like Brooke Hogan (who also suffers from the Gwen Stefani disease).

4. Kevin (calls frat boys douchebags but will rush next semester)

kevin

Kevin is the quintessential college meathead who is proud of his ability to do keg stands and look like he has no neck. As you may have guessed, he played high school football and is such a retard that he cannot understand how to find the derivative of x+1 (that is the exact problem he couldn’t solve from the episode, btw). He gets caught drinking in the dorm, as his room is “party central,” but is so badass that he continues throwing awesome parties with cheap beer for the losers and easy girls on his hall!! At least Kevin cares about his Mom… since his Mom will kill him if he gets bad grades, he promises to get “all C’s.” CREARY NOT A KOREAN!

-Maria

Greek capitalizes on Sorority Warfare

Published April 2, 2009 television 3 Comments
Tags: , , , , , ,

Ok look, ABC bamboozled you. Sorority life sucks. It’s not fun. You will mostly likely make fewer than 20 real friends and for every great, fantastic sister you have, there will be 2 fat life-ruiners. I feel, though, that most readers already really know this. I mean come on, do you really expect an entire group of people to get along completely when they’re forced together in a be-as-fake-as-humanly-possible recruitment? I honestly think you would be hard-pressed to find any sorority or fraternity in which every single member liked ever other member.

Imagine a sorority to be like an all-girls high school. There are cliques, hierarchies, inside jokes, and stupid arguments about nothing. People are constantly drunk (or pretending to be) and making stupid decisions that step on other peoples’ toes. OMG I AM SO DRUNK OFF OF THIS SHOT OF BACARDI RASPBERRY!!!! I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER WHO I AM HOOKING UP WITH, EVEN THOUGH I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND!!!! YAY (insert greek organization here). I AM GOING TO MAKE THE LIVING ROOM SNOW!!!!! no… really…

So why is ABC Family making so much money off of this shit? The show is absolutely horrible. To make a long story short, the show is about sorority and fraternity feuds: hook-ups, breakups, gay fraternity brothers (oh no!), and getting drunk. Sadly enough, this is about as interesting as real greek life is.

-Maria

Thought of the Day

Why is it called an outfit if your clothes are supposed to help you fit in?
become a fan of ¿WITP? on facebook!!

Oh Hai, Poll

Twitter

 

July 2010
M T W T F S S
« Jun    
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  

  • 146,350 others think we're the shit.