Posts Tagged 'MTV'
MTV’s “When I Was 17″
Published April 28, 2010 celebrities , television 4 CommentsTags: fashion, MTV, music, pink, celebrities, Rihanna, documentaries, Perez Hilton, American Idol, Kelly Clarkson, Chris Brown, reality television, MTV when I was 17, teenager, Puff Daddy, P Diddy, Diddy, famous people, Gabe Saporta, Kris Allen, Ludacris
The Hills: Final Season Premiere
Published April 27, 2010 MTV , celebrities , fashion , television 12 CommentsTags: MTV, The Hills, Lauren Conrad, Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt, Stephanie Pratt, Audrina Patridge, Brody Jenner, Justin Bobby, The City, speidi, reality television, Kristen Cavallari, Speidi wedding, Kristen Cavallari the Hills, Heidi Pratt, Heidi from The Hills, MTV The Hills, Heidi plastic surgery, Heidi Montag plastic surgery
Let’s be honest, you wouldn’t even know that The Hills was now airing Season 7 considering the fact that nothing noteworthy has happened over the span of six seasons. After a painful marathon weekend, I think I can speak for all of us when I say that I’m ready for The Hills to be done. According to the trailers, this season will be full of Spencer/Heidi drama, accusations, drug abuse, and anorexia… so basically nothing new. As I see it, the only things that have really changed since Season 1 are Heidi’s face and Heidi’s boobs anyways.
Heidi's Transformation into an Ugly Duckling
Regardless, Season 7 begins with about as much suspense as the plot of Titanic. Stephanie is in AA, has been in jail twice, and has a DUI! Thankfully Lo changes the subject immediately to hanging out with “the guys” (aka Frankie, who appears to be female, and Brody, who is clearly female). Whoops! We’ve hit minute two of Season 7, which means we need to mention Heidi’s 10 surgical procedures and gasp as if we haven’t been reading/hearing about it for months!
This is about when we see the highly anticipated conversation between Heidi, her mother, and her alcoholic sister Holly. The conversation is about 30 seconds longer than what was shown in the overplayed trailer and involves much of what you would expect: tears and meaningful glances from Holly.
YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
No need for a plot transition, MTV… let’s all party in Florida with Kristen, Audrina *yawn*, Brody, and some extras! Cue the dagger eyes from Kristen as she watches Brody flirt with Audrina (surprise, surprise). I honestly wish I could say more but this is exactly what happened and how can you expand on such little substance? You cannot. This is why we watch 8 minutes of commercials for every 22 minutes of this crap.
Heaven forbid we stray from Heidi’s face, though, because we’re back to discussing her newly acquired Skeletor mask. I actually laughed out loud when I realized Heidi couldn’t even eat food… it explains her Skeletor body to match the face!
Unlike Heidi, Kristen allegedly gets her figure by being a “crackhead” (according to good ol’ Lo). Stephanie, obviously, cannot be around such a bad influence “at this point of her life” (i.e. right after getting a DUI). The conversation gets a little boring and awkward… perfect time for another commercial break!
Can we please review? We are 23 minutes into the first episode and absolutely nothing has happened besides seeing everyone make fun of Heidi’s hideous plastic surgery and the same Kristen/Audrina drama from Season 6.
MTV devoted the last few minutes to the Kristen drug accusation. Kristen sounds like a 56 year old chain smoker to me but sounds “cracked out” to Lo, the resident crack expert. “Everybody says that you’re doing drugs,” “your legs are tiny,” and “you are wearing sunglasses.” CALL IN FATHER MERRIN FROM THE EXORCIST! SHE HAS THE DEVIL IN HER!
In fact, this whole show is quite possibly the work of the devil. Only this one season is left… but the devil never really dies, does it?
NV/R,
Maria
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True Life: I’m Hustlin’ in the Hamptons
Published April 26, 2010 MTV , television 15 CommentsTags: ashleigh, Ashleigh The Hamptons, Ashleigh True Life, brittany, Brittany The Hamptons, Brittany True Life, celebrities, chi chi 212, chichi212, d-list celebrities, Guido, hustling in the hamptons, jonny, Jonny from Jersey, Jonny True Life, long island, manhattan, MTV, reality show stars, reality television, reality tv, the hamptons, The Jersey Shore, the Jersey Shore MTV, true life
Know what’s sad? Being a loser. Know what’s sadder? Being a loser surrounded by successful people.
True Life: I Cannot Stop Watching
Welcome to the latest episode of True Life, in which two poor plebes go to the Hamptons to try to meet rich people to sponge off of. Unfortunately they quickly realize that rich people have very little interest in anything but other rich people.
Jonny is a greasy bro whose semi-symmetrical face is his only asset in life. It gets him hired to another waitjob after his lack of anger management gets him fired from Lackey Job #1. (He was angry because he got regulated to dishwashing after arriving two hours late for work). He’s so grateful for the second job, “Elite Affairs” – dunno how elite huge star tattoos are, but okay – that he steals liquor from them!
The second girl, Brittany, is a blogger who writes about the parties of rich East Coasters. Fascinating! To make her life more interesting, she has a bitchy co-writer that she freeloads off of but complains about constantly. Oh, and Brittany is very focused on everyone being racist towards her because she’s black, even though there’s zero evidence of it in the show (and c’mon, MTV would be ALL OVER that if it happened).
In a shock to exactly nobody, at the end of the episode Jonny realizes he’s partied too much and moves in with his brother. He’s pursuing a sure-to-be-successful career in music.
Probably the crowning moment of the lameness that is these people’s lives is when Brittany fires Ashleigh by e-mail. Then she goes to an “elaborate affair” with painted-on pasties on the dancers. And then… Ashleigh shows up at the party! Oh noez! The text on the screen at the end declares them frenemies forever.
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NV/R,
Margo
Taking the Stage Cast on Facebook
Published April 24, 2010 celebrities , television , the internet 5 CommentsTags: Aaron Breadon, Aaron Taking the Stage, carlton taking the stage, Carlton Totten, Celebrities on Facebook, celebrity, Celebrity Facebook Accounts, Emily Grace Sones, emily taking the stage, Ian Wesley Watts, Mia Carruthers, Mia Taking the Stage, MTV, taking the stage
Facebook used to be an exclusive, elite community of people with .edu e-mail addresses, but no longer! Facebook has joined the ranks of MySpace and every sorority, letting in all the riff raff with a pulse. As such, it should come as no surprise that (almost) the entire cast of Taking the Stage whores itself out on their own Facebook accounts. Since people in Hollywood make money selling maps to celebrity homes, I figured I could get in on the action by leading you to their Facebook accounts!
Note: I will present the actors/actresses in order of talent, least talented to most talented. It is important to note that this is not a subjective decision, I am an expert.
1. Carlton Totten (apparently aka CTOTT)
Here is Tater Tot’s account. He literally updates his status every time he goes to the bathroom (i.e. OFTEN). There is only so much I can say about Carlton because I removed him from my newsfeed almost immediately after I friended him. I should also mention that Carlton hit his friend limit and immediately made himself a fan page so he could hoard more “friends.” I’d link it but honestly, does anyone care?
2. Emily Grace Sones
Emily S. has a unique Facebook profile in that she doesn’t update her page every five seconds in a pathetic attempt to prolong her 15 minutes of fame. But then… you look at her “About Me” section…
I’m Emily.
I live. I learn. I dream. I kiss, a lot. I love. I break. I hold on too long. I move on. I am a free-spirit. I never know what to say at the right moment. I try to find beauty in the most beautiful mistakes. I live in the moment. I am not always rational, and get in trouble, alot. I don’t know what I want now, but I know where I wanna be. I speak through music. I write. I lust for love. I don’t give second chances out easily, you gotta do a hell of a lot once you break my heart to fix it. I live in photos of lazy sundays and times when I don’t think I can ever leaving. I hold onto things too long for the thought they can leave. I leave to fast for things to come back. I dream slowly. I walk fast. I inspire and find inspirations in little things. I am a total and complete mess of a teenage girl. But I don’t think I’d have it any other way. I like it this way.♥
In fact, Emily inspired me to change the “About” section of www.whyisthispopular.com to something like “I (insert verb). I (insert verb) (insert adverb). I am (insert noun)” but figured Mad Libs was so 1993 (ironically, the year Emily Grace Sones was born!).
3. Ian Wesley Watts
Ian really showed his sensitive side on his Facebook after the Ian/EmilyS drama episode aired.
Poor baby… he must not have noticed all the cameras around or the script he was reading when he cheated on Emily S!
4. Aaron Breadon!!
I saved the best for last! After Mia kicked Aaron out of the band, many of you forgot about him. Not the true fans… Aaron Breadon is easily the most talented musician on either season of Taking the Stage. Does nobody remember the song he wrote for Mia called Butterflies? What were they doing wasting camera time on Emily S/Adam’s crappy guitar duet? I, for one, demand more talent on next season and that the name be changed to “Aaron Breandon Takes The Stage”.
I realize there are at least a dozen other whiney Taking the Stage teenagers on Facebook. These are the only four I bothered friending because let’s be honest, after I friended Carlton I lost my will to live.
NV/R,
Maria
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Taking the Stage Season 2: Video Review!
Published February 26, 2010 Uncategorized 4 CommentsTags: anna, anna taking the stage, carlton, carlton taking the stage, carter, cincinatti school of dance, emily, emily taking the stage, funny cats, ian, ian taking the stage, M.I.A., Mia Carruthers, mia carruthers taking the stage, MTV, taking the stage, taking the stage season 2, taking the stage season two, Tyler Taking the Stage
I Hate Rhapsody Commercials
Published January 23, 2010 rants 1 CommentTags: Green Day, Lamb of God, MTV, music, Röyksopp, Rhapsody, Rhapsody commercial, vh1
Not a day goes by without me seeing one of those godawful Rhapsody commercials. First it was the retarded bubble…
Then the [insert douchebag band here] fans get it…
The latest campaign is so mind-numbing that the new commercials are borderline offensive to watch. I know the mass public is stupid (thank you Men In Black), but give them a little credit Rhapsody advertising team! You are not the first people to think of listening to a song as it matches your mood or situation. Moreover, they decided to pair shitty songs with uninteresting situations. The hipster bike rider was bad enough… until we met stoner corner store patron:
Every moment has the perfect song? No shit, Sherlock. How about we give Geico a call and lease the cavemen… at least they listen to Röyksopp instead of Vampire Weekend. Even Flo from Progressive is less irritating than 51 references to Green Day, which is really saying something.
NV/R,
Maria
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Snooki Is AMAZING
Published January 20, 2010 MTV , television 6 CommentsTags: Jersey Shore MTV, Mike The Situation, MTV, Snooki, Snooki Jersey Shore, Snooki MTV, Snooki punched, Snooki's own show, Snookie gets punched, Snooking For Love, The Jersey Shore, The Situation
Jersey Shore’s “pumpkin queen” Snooki is probably one of the best things that has ever happened to reality television, specifically to MTV. I’m not sure why I feel the need to prove this to you people, but consider it an early Christmas present.
1. Snooki invented the freaking poof
This is serious. Snooki revolutionized hair while you were wetting the bed and watching Teletubbies. Not only does Snooki overcome being a legal midget by adding 8″ of hair to her height, she inspired the world’s most important product of the 21st century – THE BUMP-IT.
2. Snooki got punched in the face by a “frat guy” (actually, a gym teacher)
I have never in my life enjoyed watching the slow motion replay on youtube videos like Scarlet Takes a Tumble. Having said that, when I first watched the video of Snooki being punched, I nearly peed myself of mirth and excitement. [insert PC line of violence towards women here]. I immediately replayed it five times until I revealed somewhat sad information. Not only was Mike aka THE SITUATION standing right there, so was (the only hot guy on the Jersey Shore) Vinnie. What did they do? Nothing. Regardless, here’s the video:
3. Snooki would make a great receptionist/meteorologist
Episode 1 of the Jersey Shore immediately revealed to us how incredibly talented Snooki is at answering a phone (duck or otherwise).More importantly, Snooki extended her 15 minutes of fame by guest starring on… the local weather report? Amazingly enough, Snooki seems right at home in front of the camera and does an incredible job telling us about the temperature, precipitation, and other big words.
On a side note, it turns out Snooki is no stranger to MTV. In fact, wonderful little Nicole was on the hit TV show Is She Really Dating Him! Her episode was called “The Jerz Pud” and was referred to as “a really hot girl.” And since her boyfriend Justin is just as much a tan midget as Snooki, she looks like even more of an oompa loompa.
Rumors have been spreading about Snooki’s upcoming personal reality dating show, Snooking For Love. Well done MTV!
NV/R,
Maria
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Real World DC Episode 3
Published January 20, 2010 MTV , television 2 CommentsTags: andrew, Ashley, callie, dc, emily, erika, josh, mike, MTV, Real World, real world dc, ty
The focus of this thrilling(?) episode of the Real World DC revolves around Ty and Emily’s stunning sexual tension. Ty is a moderately attractive guy, and Emily is an unattractive girl who thinks that she’s a total daredevil because she punches guys who can’t hit her back because she’s a girl.
23 seasons of this crap, people. THIS IS YOUR DOING.
Ty is extremely self-righteous, but on the other hand, Emily spits on him and then says it was “not a sign of disrespect”. Uhhh… is that like how Hitler really loves Jews? On the other hand, Ty clearly has NO self respect because he follows Emily around like a needy little puppy, even though Emily is not that hot. C’mon, Ty. Then the rest of the house doesn’t help by telling Emily how badly she “broke his heart”. Jesus Christ people, let’s inflate her ego just a little more so that the house lifts off the ground and we can pretend we’re watching Up instead.
"What the hell is this shit?"
Then of course, Emily wants to discuss it more in the morning. It’s like she’s an attention whore or something, but she’s way too much of a tomboy for that!
Sadly the conversation moves to Callie and how Ty doesn’t think that she’s skinny enough to be a Playboy bunny. That’s a pretty bitchy thing to say, but my sympathy is limited since the next 20 minutes are Callie saying “Oh I’m so hurt; I won’t tell you what he said.” Callie, if you were bigger than a size 2 MTV would never let you on the show. Problem solved.
It’s Erika to the rescue! She and her purple hair tell off Ty for causing the epidemic of anorexia and beautification in young girls. Ty actually gives Callie a pretty nice apology and tells her that he just feels the need to cut his friends back down to size sometimes. If only he’d do that to Emily.
"My hair dye to the rescue!"
Sadly, the girls just rip him to shreds for being insecure. Oookay. Then they go back to the fascinating weight issue. Thank god that’s never been covered on reality TV before.
Then it’s off to “life celebrating” yoga! And the yoga teacher who tells them that their body will never ever fail them – tell that to my broken tailbone. Of course, the tribal drums lead to a huge body breakthrough for Callie, who loves herself and her positive body image and yadda yadda yadda. In addition, if I never heard the phrase “shake what your momma gave you” again, I could die happy.
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NV/R,
Margo
Pedophiles For Siennas 2009
Published November 21, 2009 rants 2 CommentsTags: 16 & Pregnant, bumper stickers, catholic, Catholic Love Boat, children, disney, humanities, kids, liberal arts, Mickey Mouse, mom, MTV, mtv 16 & pregnant, octo-mom, octomom, pedophiles, philosophy, pregnant, rape, soccer moms, South Park, sports
Over the past few months I’ve seen an alarming increase in those family bumper stickers with one little cartoony person for the mom, the dad, all five kids and the puppy. Sometimes they’ve got Mickey Mouse ears or their names underneath but it boils down to one obvious objection I feel anyone with a BS* could see: YOU ARE PROVOKING PEDOPHILES AND RAPISTS TO ATTACK YOUR CHILDREN.
Grade A parenting there – the back of your car has every kid’s name, their schools and every sports team they’ve ever eaten orange slices at halftime with. You might as well add a signed field trip permission forms to the Catholic Boat.
The Catholic Boaaat, time to get some hot Christian action!
Congratulations Mom of the Year. Your Sienna is nothing short of a free peek into your children’s… itineraries and an invitation into their orifices.
NV/R,
Maria
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*At this point, I feel you should all fully recognize how utterly worthless anyone with a humanities major is. You should never ever allow your child to be exposed to one or your 8 year old will be complaining about nihilism with about the same philosophical understanding that a senior philosophy major possesses (i.e. none).
Life After Labor: 16 & Pregnant
Published July 24, 2009 Uncategorized 10 CommentsTags: 16 and Pregnant, amber, amber 16&pregnant, catelynn, ebony, Farrah 16&Pregnant, finale special, jocelyn, josh, life after labor, maci, Maci 16 & Pregnant, MTV, tyler, whitney, Whitney 16 & Pregnant
“Girls, put up your hands if you didn’t use a condom.” And every hand goes up.
This was the 16 & Pregnant finale, hosted by the incredibly annoying Dr. Drew. He grilled all of the 16 & Pregnanters except for Catelynn and Tyler, who he was very happy with for giving their kid up for adoption. The main topics of discussion raised were condoms, and how much Maci’s boyfriend sucked.
Maci’s boyfriend came around and started manning up and not being as much of a jerk as he was when she was pregnant. It was surprising and nice to see that, but Dr. Drew wasn’t happy; oh no. He made Maci go back in time and tell her boyfriend that she was angry at him for things he did ages ago. How is that constructive? Is Dr. Drew a real doctor?
Actually, Dr. Drew was dead-set on giving everyone a Freud makeover. Questions like, “Whose idea was it to have sex without a condom?” and, “Does he treat you well NOW?” were frequent. Dr. Drew was just determined to make everyone on this show unhappy. Dude, they already have babies as teenagers! Let it go!
Besides condoms, the other unpopular choice among this crowd was breastfeeding. Everybody stopped breastfeeding after a couple weeks because it hurt (well, we already knew that Farrah did! Wouldn’t want to be less than pert). Farrah continued to bemoan her lack of boyfriend, but surprisingly enough, all the other couples were still together (Ebony and Josh actually got married). There was no comment on whether Farrah’s mom had been exorcised yet.
All of the teens made sure to emphasize that pregnancy as a teenager isn’t glamorous, but all of the teen boys clarified that sex without a condom IS better. They didn’t like having the babies much, though.
NV/R,
Margo
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