In my (not so) humble opinion, if you hate someone’s tattoos or piercings, don’t tell them. They will not respect your opinion, especially once they’ve already gone under the needle. You will only alienate them and remind them why they don’t like close-minded, pushy people. Instead, you should

1. talk about them behind their back to your friends
2. not get a similar tattoo or piercing
3. write a passive-aggressive entry about it on your blog that has reached over 100,000 people in less than a year

First off, let’s talk about the point of a tattoo. I can think of only two “reasons” to get a tattoo. First, because it looks cool/beautiful. Second, to remind yourself of something every single day for the rest of your life. Everything else falls under those two categories. If you don’t want permanent ink on your body to remind you of something, it’s only because you want to be cool or you think it’ll be nice to look at.

Having said this, it seems obvious to me that you can accomplish either of these two goals through jewelry or your personal style. Example #1: “I want to remind myself to have faith by tattooing it onto my wrist” (original…) is easily solved by wearing a cross necklace or another piece of jewelry that represents your faith. Example #2: “I want some stars because they’re really cool and super original.” Solution: just kill yourself. Anyone stupid enough to tattoo something as dumb as a star to their body isn’t worth the oxygen they breath. If for some reason you value your (what I’ve already demonstrated to be) worthless life and still are so obsessed with a couple of stars for aesthetic value or nostalgia for some children’s book, buy a necklace/shirt/purse/bracelet/ring/earrings/etc… Don’t worry, you’ll still look incredibly unoriginal and your personality won’t get any better, just as with the tattoo!!

Now for that classic finger-pointing you’ve all been waiting for… I actually have the pleasure misfortune of knowing a “musician” (i.e. little to no musical talent) who decided to get a treble clef and bass clef tattooed to his “bicep” (the douchiest of all douchy tattoo placements). The beautiful part about it is that despite this highly creative homage to music, he couldn’t even get into the music program of a public college… dommage!!

mozart had the exact same thing on his ribs!!!!!

I guess it just goes to show that you can tattoo the word “personality” on someone’s body but it’s not going to give them any…

NV/R,

Maria

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How many times have you heard “yo son/dude/bro, that’s my jam/song/joint” in reference to the most overplayed song known to humanity? Obviously that is your jam seeing as how everyone and their mother knows the lyrics and does the stupid dance. When Paper Planes came out (and then about a year later when Urban Outfitters killed started playing it) every moron peed themselves with joy when they could pull on the fake trigger during the chorus.

This is how listening to music works: I listen to a song/band until the ass in front of me at Starbucks starts humming it under her breath. This is when you know that you are about to start hating the melody that was once so fantastic. NO MATTER WHAT you CANNOT play it on your iPod for the next year. If you do, you will inevitably end up hating the song for the rest of your life (like me and 90% of what Outkast released in 2003). If you refrain from playing it, in about a year, you will hear the song on whatever radio station plays “the best hits of the 80s, the 90s, and today” and the planets will realign.

Until then, stop playing Womanizer on repeat (like I did). POOR LIFE DECISION.

NV/R,

Maria

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