I understood when you started wearing leggings under your dresses. It reminded me of walking to school with my Lion King backpack in 2nd grade, but nonetheless, it was Californian and everybody knows that college kids aspire to the level of pretentiousness that Californians come by naturally.
But it’s two years later, and wearing leggings as if they’re jeans/sweatpants/corduroys/a loincloth, with nothing on top to shield us from your crotch saying hello?
I’ve let it go up till now, ladies, but this MUST be stopped. I am tired of innocently walking to class and glancing up from my ipod to be confronted with an anatomical diagram of some sorority sister’s ass. I beg of you, do not expose us unwilling participants (aka the world) to your dirty girlparts without permission.
I’m sure you have all seen some of the more recent Facebook status chains and wanted to kill yourself. For the past couple of weeks I’ve noticed that many of my “friends” *cough* have become extremely politically aware. More importantly, everyone on my friends list is apparently going to fall terminally ill immediately because health care is suddenly more than an issue than MTV reality shows, whiny song lyrics, and lolcatz combined.
“Politically aware” Facebook statuses bother me just as much as Green Day’s self-important political rants and Pink’s supposed political career. I’m not exactly sure if people are trying to pass themselves off as smarter or more aware, but the point is that you will never be taken seriously for what you put up on Facebook. Jesus Christ, at least get a .com and legitimize yourself (*cough* www.whyisthispopular.com *cough*). For those people that are too useless to get a real soapbox, Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace remain to be fantastic forums of anonymity and fail. For the rest of us, there’s Mastercard Why Is This Popular DOT Com.
Am I really going to have the audacity to rant about this? Yes, I am. See, there’s a difference between two lovely, classy ladies pointing out all that is wrong with the world… And a bumper sticker that says, “I’d Rather Be Reading Gaelic Literature.”
That’s right. That is what I saw in the parking lot of a shopping plaza. Maybe that person was researching nuclear physics in Anne Taylor Loft or Michael’s?
Here’s the thing. If you are a smart person, that’s great. If you’re a smart person who is into traditionally “intelligent” things (ex. Stonehenge, Dostoyevsky, how the Republican party built Ann Coulter), good for you. But if you feel the need to plaster your car and Facebook with “evidence” that you glanced at the cover of a couple classics, I immediately lose all respect for you.
Let’s face it: If you have to vigorously broadcast your intelligence, it’s because you don’t really believe in your own smarts (probably for good reason).
So when I see thirty Obama Yay! bumper stickers plastered on your car after he already won the election, I get antsy. That’s because I’m afraid you’ll talk about politics with me. Shockingly enough, 99% of people who are more impressed with themselves than normal just love to show off their “political knowledge”. Unfortunately, generally the “political knowledge” of the intelligencia elite is limited to the fact that they are flaming liberals (socially, of course – economically liberal? What’s that?).
Plz tell me more.
Basically, if you are smarter than Paris Hilton and make a bigger deal about it than Stephen Hawking, you deserve to die.
This isn’t exactly a secret… I detest teenagers. Let’s define teenagers: anyone who hasn’t hit puberty, lacks the ability to order fast food in less than a minute, wears their hair in ugly styles to draw attention to their baby face, complains about homework, laugh over-enthusiastically at everything their friends say to appear cool, and deign to look in my direction. The term “teenagers” loosely describes miscreants from ages 10-25 that annoy me. In particular, there are a few thriving breeds that make me rethink having children.
1. Little G’s
Not a whole lot to be said about these useless respirators that ninja all the clean air. What kills me about the little brat that walks around with his sideways cap like he’s Eminem is that the second something scary happens they are whiny children. All it takes are the words “detention” and “parent-teacher conference” to get them to pull up their shorts and shut the hell up. Casually walk within earshot of these and mention that you love child pornography and have recently been put on the sex offenders list… who’s laughing now, you little jerk?
2. Jailbait
Your typical 17 year old girl who is prancing around with her little A-cup cones of happiness out for the world to see. Her major drama consists of not being able to fill out a strapless dress and wondering whether the use of a tampon no longer makes her a virgin. Her MySpace says she loves to party, so she must be legit… right? News flash: she’s a virgin and wants to be the star in MTV’s new show (16 and Pregnant)… want to be her co-star?
3. Trendy Teenagers With Divorced Parents
You know the type… the girl who hasn’t worked a day in her life and yet has five Coach purses. This typically results from a messy divorce with insecure parents fighting for love. Love can be purchased through labels that have long since lost all credibility among the 20+ crowd (e.g. Juicy Couture). On the other hand, it’s amusing to see a kid decked out in Limited Too pull a Bonnie Bell chapstick out of her $300 clutch… about as amusing as a trainwreck.
4. “Politically Aware”
Obviously a product of their environment, these kids parade around their little Obama or McCain button like they actually have a clue about politics. They tend to be very staunch Republicans or Democrats despite not knowing a single point on their politicians platform. Also, they are HIGHLY QUALIFIED to make statements about war, abortion, and gay marriage. To add insult to injury, they tend to make these statements about how much better (insert coutry that their great-great-great grandfather lived in) is than the United States. Reality comes at them fast when they finally travel outside the US and realize that they are miserable without the conveniences of home or those minor factors (e.g. freedom, Declaration of Independence, democracy, etc).
5. The “I Love the 80s/90s” Crowd
Let’s be real: a teenager did not experience the 80s at all. Hell, I barely experienced the 80s. As such, I do not parade around in lycra pretending like I INVENTED Strawberry Shortcake. To be honest, they spent most of the 90s blowing bubbles of snot out their nose… they never collected pogs. They watch High School Musical and freak out every time the Jonas Brothers TOTALLY diss Taylor Swift (or Miley Cyrus farts in public). NICE SIDE PONYTAIL, you have successfully convinced the world that you’re of legal age.
Regardless of what flavor, all teenagers annoy me. My eye starts twitching the second I hear the Green Day sing-a-long at the table next to mine. When the giggling turns into hyena screech laughter is when I hit menopause mode and say something to the little snots. Nothing turns you into a 85-year-old pensioner faster than a bunch of teenagers who think they’re the shit.
Sadly, we here at ¿WITP? are not deliciously “Amurican” enough (not to be confused with American) and haven’t jumped on the family photo bandwagon. In case you live so far north of the Mason-Dixon line that your family photo is tastefully done, let me help you out. An Amurican family photo must be:
little Billy's 6th grade project, making a "family tree," goes horribly wrong
An incredible site http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/ has deliciously encapsulated and showcased all of these. Now everyone can really GET it (Amurican translation: geddit). This site is crawling with images that are about to go viral because they are so obscenely funny.
The site is unintentionally politically hysterical. First we have the young Palin family…
Then George W. & Laura’s family portrait, real AMURICANS if you ask me…
you can never have too much flag!
Awkward Family Photo has a ton of potential to be an epic win, and I for one have it bookmarked already. We promise to take a ¿WITP? family portrait soon! Until then, we need ideas for the theme… so help us out in the comments!
Bye-bye Lauren Conrad! Our far from favorite MTV “reality” show, The Hills will be returning for their 23,1409th 6th season without narrator and all-around boring douchebag LC.
For once, MTV got something right: we all hate Lauren. Ever since Laguna Beach, Lauren has been the sniveling little brat who raised hell when she didn’t get her way. Back then it was Stephen Colletti (definitely the most obviously gay teenager of 2005), now it’s other things that are of great concern for her (i.e. who her friends are dating).
Ever since Heidi Montag turned religious, the public suddenly loves her. Who cares that she has turned into a Hollywood bimbo, completely changed, and is dating the spawn of Satan? Let’s face it: compared to Lauren she’s basically Michelle Obama.
Also, since Brody’s “Bromance” show failed miserably, he obviously needs to be getting more air-time. Between Speidi, Brody, Squirrel (Audrina), and the constant yapping of Stephanie Pratt, the show no longer has room for Lauren’s colossal ego.
Probably the funniest part of this is how Heidi reports this to the press… before you see what Heidi has to say, keep in mind that Heidi literally spent an entire season and a half trying to win back LC because she had no friends other than her fiance’s antichrist of a little sister. “I just don’t know if we need her,” explains Heidi. “I know she hasn’t been wanting to be doing this for a while, and [the life she really leads] is not on camera. So I think it’s a closing chapter for her. I’m sure she’ll have fun and success.”
Fun and success doing what, exactly? Being a heinous brat? It’s priceless how Heidi pretended to love Lauren just to become a star of The Hills again.
I hope that Spencer is the new narrator. Yeah, he’s a douchebag… but at least he tells it like it is. But, since MTV sucks, with our luck Audrina’s whiny squirrel voice will fill us in on every time Speidi argues or Stephanie looks like a trainwreck (proof that money/fame cannot do anything for you if you are naturally an ass with no fashion sense).
NV/R,
Maria
Thought of the Day
Why is it called an outfit if your clothes are supposed to help you fit in?
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