I have always been ridiculously interested with extreme stances/people (which is why I’ve seen every documentary on extreme Christians, obesity, drug abuse, and serial killers)… the way people cannot look away from a trainwreck. Which is why I jumped with glee when Westboro Baptist Church released this video…
That’s right, you heard it. “God hates the world (that means you) and all her people (and that means you). You lived out your vain lives!” The best part is easily at 4:34 where we have George W. Bush, Larry King, Osama Bin Ladin, and Michael Jackson together (because God hates ‘em!)… oh wait! There’s Martin Luther King Jr. WHAT A JACKASS OF COURSE GOD MUST HATE HIM!
i'd like to see the biblical passage this comes from, please
Most importantly, we must notice what is being held up and waved around in the back of this little choir. A sign saying “The World is Doomed” obviously fits the general tone of the song. And wouldn’t you know that the flag being waved is a Canadian flag!? OF COURSE! Bite your tongue, America’s hat. Maybe God hates YOU, eh?
The reign of terror is over (or so say the Democrats, I’m not sure how much terror she can inflinct on a block of ice and a bunch of huskies). Sarah Palin handed in her resignation with a decided lack of pomp, given that barely any reporters even showed up to the event.
She didn’t give a reason for the withdrawal from office, assuming that people would care enough to check in for the reason later this week (people will check, but only Democrats). Palin did say, though, that
I polled the most important people in my life, my kids, where the count was unanimous. Well, in response to asking, ‘Hey, you want me to make a positive difference and fight for all our children’s future from outside the governor’s office?’ It was four yeses and one ‘Hell, yeah!” And the hell, yeah sealed it.
Good to know.
The current suspicion is that she’s treading a familiar path of would-be presidents who resign from government office early in order to be freer to kiss ass campaign. If that’s so, it definitely makes sense given how she keeps complaining about her family being in the public eye…
I do love her vocab though – “positive difference”, “fight for all our children’s future” (especially your daughter’s children, eh?), “mean-spirited adults”. She’s like a PC wagon on the wrong side of the tracks (aka a Republican).
At least she’ll probably keep up with her multi-daily updated Twitter. You betcha! Unfortunately, she probably won’t ever realize that half her body is cut off of the background.
Alright, let’s face it. If there is one thing that should never have been invented, it is without question the bumper sticker. All bumper stickers fall into one of three categories:
The Political Statement: These get the first mention of honor as they are generally the most annoying. Mostly these bumper stickers are “Peas on Earth” or “Obama 08″ stickers that are put on crookedly by college students; apparently liberal views mean a lack of motor control. Of course, the further you get out into the country, the more you will see of the other spectrum of the PBS(Political Bumper Sticker). This includes, “It’s for God to judge the terrorists; it’s for me to kill them”, and “Vegetarian is an ancient Indian word for bad hunter”. I knew there was a reason we liked them hicks.
The My-Student-Doesn’t-Suck: Ugh, we all know a mom who has one of these. Basically they tell you that their kid is either an honor student (sleeping with the teacher) or on swim/dive/underwater basket weaving. They’re pointless and obnoxious because nobody gives a crap what your brilliant little darling does as long as BLD stops tailgating us.
Well done.
The Useless Memory: These aren’t quite as annoying as the first two, yet are even more pointless. They’re stickers from various countries or beaches that trick natives of said countries into asking about the car owner’s heritage. These stickers occasionally take the form of dog silhouettes from back when you were excited about getting little Poochy (before you realized that he’ll live over 10 years).
Guess you had a good time in Palm Springs.
If you have a bumper sticker on your car, take it off. If it’s crooked… There’s just no helping you, is there?
Am I really going to have the audacity to rant about this? Yes, I am. See, there’s a difference between two lovely, classy ladies pointing out all that is wrong with the world… And a bumper sticker that says, “I’d Rather Be Reading Gaelic Literature.”
That’s right. That is what I saw in the parking lot of a shopping plaza. Maybe that person was researching nuclear physics in Anne Taylor Loft or Michael’s?
Here’s the thing. If you are a smart person, that’s great. If you’re a smart person who is into traditionally “intelligent” things (ex. Stonehenge, Dostoyevsky, how the Republican party built Ann Coulter), good for you. But if you feel the need to plaster your car and Facebook with “evidence” that you glanced at the cover of a couple classics, I immediately lose all respect for you.
Let’s face it: If you have to vigorously broadcast your intelligence, it’s because you don’t really believe in your own smarts (probably for good reason).
So when I see thirty Obama Yay! bumper stickers plastered on your car after he already won the election, I get antsy. That’s because I’m afraid you’ll talk about politics with me. Shockingly enough, 99% of people who are more impressed with themselves than normal just love to show off their “political knowledge”. Unfortunately, generally the “political knowledge” of the intelligencia elite is limited to the fact that they are flaming liberals (socially, of course – economically liberal? What’s that?).
Plz tell me more.
Basically, if you are smarter than Paris Hilton and make a bigger deal about it than Stephen Hawking, you deserve to die.
This isn’t exactly a secret… I detest teenagers. Let’s define teenagers: anyone who hasn’t hit puberty, lacks the ability to order fast food in less than a minute, wears their hair in ugly styles to draw attention to their baby face, complains about homework, laugh over-enthusiastically at everything their friends say to appear cool, and deign to look in my direction. The term “teenagers” loosely describes miscreants from ages 10-25 that annoy me. In particular, there are a few thriving breeds that make me rethink having children.
1. Little G’s
Not a whole lot to be said about these useless respirators that ninja all the clean air. What kills me about the little brat that walks around with his sideways cap like he’s Eminem is that the second something scary happens they are whiny children. All it takes are the words “detention” and “parent-teacher conference” to get them to pull up their shorts and shut the hell up. Casually walk within earshot of these and mention that you love child pornography and have recently been put on the sex offenders list… who’s laughing now, you little jerk?
2. Jailbait
Your typical 17 year old girl who is prancing around with her little A-cup cones of happiness out for the world to see. Her major drama consists of not being able to fill out a strapless dress and wondering whether the use of a tampon no longer makes her a virgin. Her MySpace says she loves to party, so she must be legit… right? News flash: she’s a virgin and wants to be the star in MTV’s new show (16 and Pregnant)… want to be her co-star?
3. Trendy Teenagers With Divorced Parents
You know the type… the girl who hasn’t worked a day in her life and yet has five Coach purses. This typically results from a messy divorce with insecure parents fighting for love. Love can be purchased through labels that have long since lost all credibility among the 20+ crowd (e.g. Juicy Couture). On the other hand, it’s amusing to see a kid decked out in Limited Too pull a Bonnie Bell chapstick out of her $300 clutch… about as amusing as a trainwreck.
4. “Politically Aware”
Obviously a product of their environment, these kids parade around their little Obama or McCain button like they actually have a clue about politics. They tend to be very staunch Republicans or Democrats despite not knowing a single point on their politicians platform. Also, they are HIGHLY QUALIFIED to make statements about war, abortion, and gay marriage. To add insult to injury, they tend to make these statements about how much better (insert coutry that their great-great-great grandfather lived in) is than the United States. Reality comes at them fast when they finally travel outside the US and realize that they are miserable without the conveniences of home or those minor factors (e.g. freedom, Declaration of Independence, democracy, etc).
5. The “I Love the 80s/90s” Crowd
Let’s be real: a teenager did not experience the 80s at all. Hell, I barely experienced the 80s. As such, I do not parade around in lycra pretending like I INVENTED Strawberry Shortcake. To be honest, they spent most of the 90s blowing bubbles of snot out their nose… they never collected pogs. They watch High School Musical and freak out every time the Jonas Brothers TOTALLY diss Taylor Swift (or Miley Cyrus farts in public). NICE SIDE PONYTAIL, you have successfully convinced the world that you’re of legal age.
Regardless of what flavor, all teenagers annoy me. My eye starts twitching the second I hear the Green Day sing-a-long at the table next to mine. When the giggling turns into hyena screech laughter is when I hit menopause mode and say something to the little snots. Nothing turns you into a 85-year-old pensioner faster than a bunch of teenagers who think they’re the shit.
Everyone knows that politicians have to be paragons of purity and virtue. Well, if not in private, they at least have to pretend for the press. After all, they’re the leaders of our country/state/local farmer’s market.
The ironically named Georgian candidate for governor Neal Horsley would like to use his influence to let us all know that hey kids, bestiality’s okay! According to him, in Gaw-gia it’s totally normal for your first girlfriend to be a mule.
At this point, Horsley’s got about the same chances of getting elected as Nelson Mandela in Nazi Germany, so I guess he really decided to go for the gusto: he then enthusiastically explained how he’d also had sex with a watermelon. In the final deathblow that guarantees he will never get elected anywhere below the Mason-Dixon, Horsley confessed he’s also had sex with a man.
Horsley explained his behavior by telling the interviewer that young boys will experiment with anything that’s warm and damp and vibrates. Aside from being way more sensory detail than I ever wanted to hear about sex with a mule… What kind of mule vibrates?
At this point the interviewer took pity on Horsley and asked the soon-to-be-governor if he was really suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend. In typical sane fashion, Horsley said:
It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality… Welcome to domestic life on the farm…
Hello and welcome to the first weekly Things I Like Fridays. Today’s that most holy of days when we take a quick sabbath from our quest to steer you around the iPhones and skinny jeans of life and instead tell you what’s good.
First up on this hot platter of goodness is something that will appeal to those of you pretentious gits who like to pretend they like politics. abu muqawama is a blog done by an Iraq and Afghanistan veteran, who’s currently a “washed up graduate student”. Technically it’s a blog about counterinsurgency issues but really it just spans military and political issues.
The writer, AM, is snarky and funny enough that he occasionally gets in trouble for it, which is my personal criteria for a blogger I’ll read. Sure he’s a little full of himself, but so am I and everything I write is freaking awesome (and this is unbiased, because I am always right).
One of the best things about his blog are the people who comment. The comments are often insightful, witty, or all of the above. A lot of the people commenting are in the government/security business, which adds some authority to the blog (oh noez, it’s the popo!).
Anyway, this blog probably is not for everyone. Some of the jargon and the depth of the knowledge of the people writing (both blogger and commenters) is a little intimidating, but once you wade in, it’s actually pretty easy to understand. In any case, most everyone can appreciate snarkage. If you can’t, why are you reading this blog?
If you’ve turned on a radio recently, you’ve probably heard Pink wailing in your ear. “How do I feel this goooooood soooooobeeeeeeeeeer?!” Whine more, emo kid. You might have also hear her cursing out an ex-husband. “So SO WHAT, I’m still a ROCK STAR”.
My question: Why IS she still a rock star? Who is making this woman famous? She cannot sing, her lyrics suck, and she’s not pretty. What’s the draw, people? I want to know who is buying her records so I can slap them on the wrist and say, “Bad!”
There are a lot of sucky singer/songwriters/all around human beings out there, so I could probably let Pink be if it weren’t for her extremely annoying MTV segments where she prattles on about how politically active she is and exactly how she thinks the government should run things. Wow, you wrote another song about Bush-hating. That is so original and in nowayover-done. He was a lame-duck anyway when that song was aired, making the songs’ existence even more futile.
The fact that your mother was politically active (supposedly) and dragged you along when you were a kid does not mean you’re an activist. You think politicians shouldn’t have to have platforms? You are so goddamn insightful it kills me.
And what is she wearing?
Yes yes, we’re all for freedom of speech, but if I want to hear about politics I’ll turn on CNN, not MTV. Unfortunately though, I don’t really want to hear anything about Pink. The only thing more annoying than her music is her opinions.
- Margo
Thought of the Day
Why is it called an outfit if your clothes are supposed to help you fit in?
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