Posts Tagged 'reality show'

16 & Pregnant: Season 2 Announced!

Published July 16, 2009 MTV 23 Comments
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MTV, you knew we hated The Hills, so you booted off LC and replaced her (ouch!). You knew we loved trainwrecks, so you showed us reruns of Parental Control every single day when we were supposed to be going to class. Then you saw the joy we derived from 16 & Pregnant (from not so useless mothers like Maci to utter morons Farrah and her mother Debra).

Proof that there is a God

This is when you agreed to give us moar… six pilot episodes were not enough. We want to see more struggling unwed teenage mothers. We want blood, sweat, tears, and awkward dinner conversation about not using a condom. Everything but the actual birth (whoever can honestly call it a miracle is kidding themselves… those kids come out looking like angry aliens with AIDS).

Thank you for renewing 16 and Pregnant! In return, we promise to write about every little floozy that cannot keep her legs shut AND her psychotic family/baby daddy… free of charge! For once, you didn’t suck.

NV/R,

Maria

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16 & Pregnant: Farrah’s Evil Mother

Published July 14, 2009 MTV 46 Comments
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We’ve already seen our share of crazy morons on MTV reality shows, but none of us were prepared for the ultimate Antichrist aka Farrah’s mom Debra. Debra is easily the most useless, pathetic, and “awfulest” (thank you Whitney, evidentally being a pregnant teenager comes hand in hand with a Shakespearean vocabulary!) mother of all time. This clearly includes all of the new mothers we’ve met this season on 16 & Pregnant even considering the fact that Farrah refuses to breast feed (despite the obvious need to protect a newborn from disease) as it may make her tits sag.

Debra actually agreed with this

Debra actually agreed with this

Debs has a list of incredible skills: looking like a tranny, styling her hair like Farrah Fawcett (RIP), and hitting her teenager while screaming like a banshee. Flaws (though few and far between) include being too immature to hear a Q/A about childbirth between her daughter and the doctor, being unable to watch her granddaughter’s birth, being unable to call Farrah’s father (ex-husband?) after Farrah’s water broke, hating Ford Focuses, and refusing to help Farrah with Sophia (Farrah’s baby girl).

At this point you should be like hold up, time out… rewind to that last one. Yeah… her mom flat out said that she would not help AT ALL with Sophia. Reasoning? “I need my sleep.” WOW. Mom of the year award, right here. Step aside Kate Gosselin.

NV/R,

Maria

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[EDIT:]Domestic abuse between Farrah and Debra ensues involving baby Sophia! Now are you going to argue that they’re great mothers?? [/EDIT]

Coming Soon: 16 & Pregnant

Published May 22, 2009 MTV , television 8 Comments
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If you haven’t heard yet, MTV’s coming out with a new reality show called 16 & Pregnant. For the less astute readers, it’s about a pregnant 16yo. Basically MTV is taking Engaged and Underage to a whole new level… and we’re going to eat it up. Let’s face it, we all love trainwrecks. For me, seeing teenagers fail at life is like putting a kid in a candy store.

Are you as excited as I am? MTV/VH1 reality shows = nature’s candy.

NV/R,

Maria

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College Life: Mid-Season Recap

Published May 12, 2009 MTV , television 1 Comment
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When we last left off, Kevin was having to move out of his dorm as punishment for being a wannabe fraggot, Jordan was busy being personality-void, Andrea told Josh to JUST LEAVE HER ALONE GOSHHHH, Josh was drowning his sorrows in women, and Lindsay learned the effectiveness of the speed-dial when it comes to dating.

In this episode, Kevin surprisingly cleans up his act a little (at times literally) when he moves to the new apartment, probably because he has nobody to party with anymore and its no fun being an alcoholic by yourself.

Jordan continues developing his ability to be astoundingly dull even when passing out over a toilet. I’m not really sure what he was doing to get there (probably consuming the Natty Light that Kevin missed out on), because my eyes glaze over and I start snoring every time Jordan comes onscreen.

The real interest of this show lies in Andrea, Josh, and Lindsay. Just when you thought this show might have douchebags boring enough to be unstaged…

breality

In a totally unplanned and unpredictable move, Josh and Lindsay are now dating! How they met? I’m guessing that they bonded over a shared love of MTV airtime.

This unholy union pisses Andrea off an infinite amount even after telling Josh multiple times that she has absolutely no interest in him as a boyfriend. The big problem with Lindsay is that she might have the sexxors with Josh, which would mean that Andrea would be devestated for life and could never get back with Josh (clearly the end of the world). In Andrea’s head, Josh exists to toady to her and Lindsay is there to be a plague upon the world (not far off the mark actually).

bcollegelife

Congratulations MTV, you have managed to violate my trust once again.

NV/R,

Maria

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Love Triangle: Ray J, Cocktail, and Tila Tequila

Published May 11, 2009 celebrities , the internet 6 Comments
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Everyone knows that reality shows create some of the most beautiful, long-lasting, and fulfilling relationships. So it’s big news when, like now, there’s talk that one of those relationships may not be doing well.

I kid. Anyway, even though Cocktail claims that her and Ray J are going strong, Tila Tequila has apparently been claiming that Ray J’s her man! On her blog she says:

My baby is Ray J…..and no man has made me feel so loved and so happy in such a long time.  We really do love each other and I am so happy to have FINALLY met someone who treats me with respect and love.  He is so sweet to me and makes me melt everytime I see him…….I love my baby……so there you have it! Tila Tequila is officially dating Ray J!!!!!! I think we make the cutest couple….dont you?????

Personally, I don’t really think that anything involving Tila is all that cute, but… sure.

btila

To prove her devotion, Tila posted up a “sexy vid” of her dancing awkwardly to entice “her man” to come home. Several people in the comments claim its old and I have no reason to disbelieve them, though you’re a bit suspect if you’ve been following Tila Tequila closely enough to know.

I could have done without seeing that (and so could have Ray J, I imagine) but of course it’s not true love if you don’t put up a video for half a million viewers to witness.

Cocktail had her own, rather drunk, comeback. Amazingly enough, hers is even more awkward because they catch her rehearsing.

Let’s just say that when even Vh1 calls you out for being fake… not even Twitter can save you.

NV/R,

Margo

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Daisy of Love – As the Season Goes On!

Published May 11, 2009 television , vh1 3 Comments
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In the last couple episodes, Daisy of Love has lived up to our (admittedly low) expectations and surpassed them. The uglier and more boring people have been sent packing (which means it’s already better than For the Love of Ray J and every dating show MTV’s ever made), and two people have left of their own accord.

bdais

Brooklyn left because he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. Fair enough, given that she had the best strategy ever to get him back. She called the house every hour on the hour, said, “Chris has a girlfriend!” in the exact same tone every time, and then hung up. A lot of the guys were angry at Brooklyn for publicly dumping Daisy and humiliating her, but it’s no big because nothing’s more humiliating than being on this show.

Flipper, on the other hand, was just batshit insane. For the show-and-tell episode he made up a rap dissing every other guy on the show (badly done but valid). However, then he couldn’t deal with the other guys “hating on him” (laughing at him), so he smashed a beer bottle into his face, dissed Daisy, and left.

You can’t make this up, people.

Several people have unexpectedly stepped up to the plate and become somewhat likeable. Sinister, the dripping-in-black Metallica reject, showed some balls when the guys were subjected to a test where they protected a mannequin (representative of Daisy, but made of less plastic) from sharpshooters with paintball guns. In spite of the fact that math tutors and Star Trek fans regularly play paintball, 90% of the guys on this show – including Cage (so much for the “fight or die” tattoo, buddy) – screamed like little girls, and Fox actually used the mannequin to cover his own back.

bsin

Sinister, however, barreled ahead and took the paintball pellets like the harmless little capsules of paint they are. This earned him a VIP date with Daisy but, oops! She got too distracted with the other guys to remember and he was left out in the cold all night while Cable Guy flirted with the dudes at the bar in lieu of being man enough to actually try to talk to Daisy (or maybe he just couldn’t tell which was which). Way to ignore the one guy who “took a bullet” for you, Daisy.

It’s all good though; on the paint-my-body aka grope-me-please challenge Daisy made it up to him the only way she knows how (being a ho). This made Sinister’s BFF Chi Chi kind of jealous, so when it was his turn he made with the macking too. Uhoh, do I smell trouble a-brewing? I’m thinking yes, given that the preview for next episode shows Sinister choosing 12-Pack over Chi Chi to be a drummer in his band. Has there ever been a more epic betrayal?!bchi

Poor Daisy just can’t catch a break; most of these guys don’t seem desperate enough for TV time that they’ll pretend to be attracted to her. In the end, Cable Guy gets sent home for not trying hard enough and Toolbox goes as well for saying that he thinks Daisy’s ugly. It’s hard being the one to say what everyone’s thinking.

NV/R,

Margo

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Mia Carruthers, Life After Taking the Stage

Published May 10, 2009 MTV , music , television 26 Comments
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Mia “Ima Steal Your Boo BEYOTCH” Carruthers has taken the world by storm with her mediocre guitar hero skills and off-pitch voice. Since the finale of Taking The Stage season 1, every teeny bopper has been asking…

  1. Are Mia & Tyler together!?
  2. Omg where can I listen to Mia’s shitty single!?
  3. WILL MIA’S FAMILY BE ABLE TO AFFORD THE LIPOSUCTION?

¿WITP? has you covered, stalkers and haters. Through a minimal amount of Google/Myspace skills, we have uncovered all the secrets of this orca whale.

1. Are Mia  & Tyler together

Wow, are you really this naive? Of course they’re not together!! Let’s review:

@miatylerIf this perfectly adequate proof doesn’t satisfy you, a minimal amount of stalking reveals two things: Tyler does NOT appear on Mia’s “Top 8″ and (you guessed it) Mia isn’t on Tyler’s “Top 22.” Guess who IS? None other than Jasmine (3rd), JJ, and Malik!! Since we live in the 21st century, we can basically derive 100% factual information from Myspace. If we can do it, so can you!

2. Mia’s Musical Career

Sorry folks, hate to disappoint – it doesn’t exist. In order to have a career, you need to have talent, good looks, charisma… in short, redeeming qualities that make up for the fact that you’re an asshole. Mia sadly lacks every quality that could be described as remotely redeeming, but is still a boyfriend-stealing fattie. Regardless, you can check out her personal myspace account for some music. Also, YouTube never fails us. Here is the single from the show (Breathe You In):

To be honest, not a terrible song. Lyrically meh… but she does some interesting key changes. By she I mean the guitar, since she – and by this I mean her voice – cannot hit 50% of the notes she attempts.

3. Mia’s Fat-Removal-Surgeries

Trust us, we are all for liposuction when necessary (Oprah, Perez Hilton, and Jonah Hill to name a few). All we can say is congratulations Mia! Either you got the fat sucked out or finally found a damn good camera angle for your new myspace picture:

@miabadsmile

Someone has got to give Lindsay Lohan some of the fat from Mia’s chin!!

In conclusion, Mia Carruthers has gone on from her one season of “stardom” to suck in every way possible. She looks terrible, she’s a sad excuse of a musician, her flirting makes us want to gag, and we’d donate money to buy her a stylist.

NV/R,

Maria

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Taking the Stage Season 1 – Final Update

Published May 7, 2009 MTV , television 10 Comments
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Taking the Stage’s last episode premiered with a bang: Telling us that Jasmine and Tyler were in love.

@tylerjasmine

Once they’d gotten the humor out of the way, Mia recorded a demo with Aaron, who was again vocal about his love for her. Poor Aaron, as we already knew from the commercial that Mia and Tyler were gonna get it on.

Mia and Tyler immediately meet outside and start talking about how much he cried when he broke up with Jasmine. Way to win a girl’s heart, Tyler. I always want my date to tell me how upset he was over another girl!

@miafat

Everyone seems to be getting opportunities in this episode, strangely enough. It’s almost like the world is coming together to create a neat ending for Taking the Stage season 1… Oh wait, it’s just editing. Anyhoo, Jasmine gets an audition to some school that is not Julliard (and thus unimportant); Mia gets asked for a demo by Jive Records; Tyler and Malik get offered a dance audition; and Shaakira… Haha, you didn’t really think that anything would happen with Shaakira, did you?

@shaakira

Tyler and Malik mirror each other in a suspenseful competition to see who can look cooler when nobody but their friends are looking. Meanwhile, Mia tells Aaron, Aubrie, her grandmother, and that homeless guy begging for change that Tyler broke up with Jasmine. Mia is like the broken record they taught you in health class (to say no to drugs), except listening to her makes you want to overdose on whatever pills you can get your hands on.

Mia is amazing in that she gets progressively more annoying in each scene. At first she just sidles up to anyone who’s unfortunate enough to be standing there and tells them that Tyler’s single, but then she hears that Jive Records wants to meet with her (the things struggling companies have to do in trying times to get publicity with MTV). From then on she becomes completely unbearable (like she wasn’t before). Mia has discussions about how she was BORN to sing crappy remixes of the Ting Tings’ songs and bores her friend to tears, who then has to pretend she’s gonna miss Mia.

@aubriemia

Amazingly enough, Tyler and Malik are up front and center for both their auditions (shockingly good “luck”). Unfortunately for Malik, MTV wants to continue the theme of him being upstaged by Tyler, so he gets dismissed. Malik is so distraught that he considers going to college and possibly even getting… omg… a DESK JOB. Oh noez! His momma doesn’t like it when he talks like this (aka: a grown-up). Tyler, however, gets the spot and tells him mommy and lil bro that he should move to L.A. because, “there’s nothing here”. How sweet.

@malik

Jasmine auditions for the school that is not Julliard with a bowlegged kind of dance that makes the judges smile. I’m personally not into dances where you swing your arms around like you’re holding a giant angular baby, but apparently the school likes her… not enough to offer admission, but enough to give her another audition.

In spite of Tyler’s dance teacher telling him that this was the audition of a LIFETIME, the teacher changes his mind (aka MTV wanted a second season), so Tyler decides to stay at school. Mia also gets rejected, making me think that all’s well that ends well. In conclusion: Mia, Jasmine, Shaakira, and Malik fail at being artsy, and Tyler gives up THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME. Everyone decides to stay home, and the season wraps up in the most anticlimactic fashion possible.

@takingthestagesuccess

NV/R,

Margo & Maria

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Jon & Kate Plus 8 – SCANDAL PART 2!

Published May 6, 2009 celebrities , television 2 Comments
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He… did it again?? Jon, father of 8 spoiled brats wonderful children and unfortunate husband of maniacal control freak Kate has been caught red-faced (Asian glow FTW) with another woman. It wasn’t enough that this washed up loser was hitting up college parties and soliciting innocent children for you-know-what. According to US Weekly (and every other gossip site/magazine/radio station out there), Jon was recently seen clubbing (again) without his ball and chain (again) WITH ANOTHER WOMAN (again).

Madelyn, Cara, Aaden, Joel, Collin, Hannah, Leah, and Alexis got left at home, though

Madelyn, Cara, Aaden, Joel, Collin, Hannah, Leah, and Alexis got left at home, though

Before I get into the details, can any of us say we’re surprised? Jon may not be the most attractive guy (as evidenced by the uggo succubus he landed and the eight little antichrists he spawned), but his personality is not QUITE as ugly as Kate’s. Regardless, TLC stars (*snort* hahaahahahahaha) have a pattern of letting stardom (*snort* hahaahahahahaha) get to their heads (remember the midget dad Matthew Roloff? Caught pulling a Michael Phelps) and consequently are rewarded with a 20th season.

wifezilla

I’ll never really understand the appeal to this show. Usually bad television makes up for the lack of substance through drugs, tits, violence, or attractive cast members. There is literally nothing intriguing about seeing eight little brats whine about the braids in their hair and watching Kate go on and on about how awesome she is through her masterful use of coupons. BRAVO KATE! Use your jew-powers for good, not evil – aka make enough money that you can stop subjecting TLC watchers to your show.

Back to the juicy details, though. Clubgoer Jon was out without his wedding ring (as if he could escape the notice of any woman with baby-lust) and without wife Kate, instead barking orders at some brunette (3rd grade teacher Deanna Hummel). After hours of (probably) hitting on innocent 20-somethings and drinking Cosmopolitans and Appletinis Jack Daniels, he attempted to leave the club inconspicuously. Their clever tricks (leaving the club from different exits only to reconvene in Jon’s car) failed, perhaps since he kept screaming “babe! babe!” and stumbled like a fraggot on bid day. D’oh!

jonruhroh

We should have seem this coming… remember when they got their vow’s renewed in Hawaii?? Says Jon, “I almost cried, but I didn’t.”

jkalmostcared

Nice.

NV/R,

Maria

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Daisy of Love – One Hot Mess

Published April 28, 2009 television 4 Comments
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Springtime is here! And that means it’s time for Vh1′s latest reality show – Daisy of Love.

bdaisy1

Not gonna lie, I love Daisy. She is one hot mess. Her hair is just as fake as Bret Michael’s, her body is probably 70% plastic, and her “music” blows. Daisy also has this way of speaking slowly and emphasizing every word like it’s special, probably because it takes her that long to think of conjunctions. However, she’s somehow appealing to me, probably because she’s such a trainwreck even when she isn’t doing anything.

I don’t need to explain much to you; it’s an “Of Love” show. The only difference is that Ricki Ratchman is on the show to babysit Daisy because she’s so incompetent at being a human being that she needs help to pick a guy. A bunch of guys show up, pretend to be in love with Daisy to get their 15, and at the end she passes over the guy everyone likes to pick someone boring. Just to emphasize the pretending – one of the guys on the show has also been on at least two other reality shows. One of them was a dating show. For New York.

On to the “men”!

1. The Swedish Triplets (not sure if they’re actually triplets)

bswedThese three were so ridiculous that they actually got kicked off immediately. Supposedly it was because they weren’t serious about Daisy – granted, they actually admitted that they were only there for the booze. Still, I’m guessing the real reason they got the boot is because they’re actually chicks.

2. The Old Guy (who’s “hot” because he looks like Bret)

bweNot only is he insanely not attractive and probably 40+, Weasel – yes, she named him Weasel – passes out drunk before elimination. Let me review: old, ugly, weird, drunk. And he STILL doesn’t get eliminated! Oh, what a treasure trove of winners this show has found.

3. Cage (the guy with “fight or die” written across his neck)

bcaThere is such a thing as getting too into tattoos. Cage is that thing. He’s a cage fighter, as you might guess from the name, which basically means that he gets stuffed in a box with another guy for a living. Yay! Tip: People with tattoos on their faces generally are not going to be making their millions off of a desk job.

4. Professor (only actually attractive guy)

bprofsThis guy is legitimately attractive and actually has a job that’s not being a stripper or a barman. So of course, he got approximately 30 seconds of screen time and will probably never be seen again.

5. Fox (OMGS SO HOTTTTT!)

bfoxAfter the same 30 seconds Professor didn’t get, Daisy fell head over heels with Fox. Apparently he is attractive. I’m not seeing it, though. Brb, getting new eyes.

NV/R,

Margo

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