Reason #51 why the DMV (DC/Maryland/Virginia) is better than any other part of the US: Teenage Werewolves. Teen “wolf packs” are terrorizing loitering around San Antonio shopping malls and calling all sorts of attention to themselves. Totally unlike the been-there-done-that vampire fad started by Satan’s Bible (known on the New York Times Bestsellers list as Twilight), teenage werewolves wear wolf-like contact lenses, fake tails, chains, gothy lipstick, and (oh wait) fangs. Potato, potato?
Stephenie Meyer (who apparently has just as much difficult spelling the name Stephanie as she does writing a novel) is probably tenting her fingers like Mr. Burns and plotting the demise of all human beings born after 1989. Instead of growing in adult humans, these kids are desperately trying to transform in wolves in whatever way possible. The physical transformation is obviously almost complete with a pair of goth bondage pants. To me, nothing screams Benicio del Toro the Wolfman than some black studded pants from Hot Topic. However, like the douchey vampire kids in South Park, teenage werewolves must taste blood. DOG BLOOD!
These kids don’t need encouragement from child psychologists that got their diploma from the back of a cereal box, they need a harsh dose of reality. They are not exactly “fitting in” or “finding their identity.” They are playing with dark magic! We are at risk of the Hellmouth moving from Sunnydale to San Antonio. Sarah Michelle Gellar can’t save us this time, she’s too busy raising her kid not to be a douchey teenage werewolf! Our best plan of action is to remove funding from trivial pursuits (like putting a lid on the Gulf oil gusher) and focusing government efforts on putting an end to this madness.
NV/R,
Maria
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